My (kind of) formal complaint against the West Valley Driver License Office

Dear West Valley Driver License Division Office,

Your city has a Hispanic population of over 46,000. With this statistic in mind, and as a college grad with a B.A. in Latin American Studies, I'd like to give you a little more information about your second largest racial group, to help you fix your system, policies, or at least your lousy customer service representatives.

It is a standard practice in Latin America to use two last names: one from your father and one from your mother. Your father's name comes first, then your mother's [maiden] name.

For example: Maria Cruz and Jorge Sanchez get married. They have a child named Juan José. So little Juan's name is going to be: Juan José Sanchez Cruz.

Not too hard, although I know it may seem a little complicated. So here's one more quick example:

Mother's name: Guadalupe Ramirez
Father's name: Alberto Vasquez
Child's name: Alberto Junior Vasquez Ramirez

Okay, I don't want to bore you, but just so I make sure you've got it, I'll even use some "Anglo" names to make sure there is no language confusion.

Mother's name: Mary Smith
Father's name: John Deer
Child's name: Little Johnny Deer Smith

Ta-da!

Now, when two people get married in Latin America, traditionally the woman only takes her husband's first last name (her father-in-law's last name) and when they have kids the maiden name of the mother is dropped off and not passed down to the next generation. Thus:

Groom: Alberto Junior Vasquez Ramirez
Bride: Juana Rodriguez Martinez de Vasquez

The word "de" means "of" and just means that she is married to someone whose last name is Vasquez. Some people don't follow this practice as strictly, but if a woman does take her husband's last name, she never takes both last names. Just the first.

And their child's name would be: Fulano Vasquez Rodriguez

Okay, so this practice has been going on for a really long time in Latin American countries, and so when a Latin American person comes to the United States, they (still) have two last names.

That creates absolute havoc for people in the United States, especially really official and legal places, like immigration, banks, DMVs...etc. We have this thing with people always having the exact same name. Otherwise, they could be pretending to be someone else.

Most latinos, for simplicity's sake, decide to keep just there father's last name, following the traditional pattern used in the US. However, some decide to keep both last names. And some, like my husband, aren't really given a choice.

My husband's last name has been arbitrarily picked by immigration officials. So on his Visa (which was his first legal form of ID in the United States) both last names were provided as his surname. His next government issued ID was his Work Permit, which only had his first last name. With that form of ID he was able to get his Social Security card, so that also only has his first last name.

Then they decided to switch it up and put his two last names on his Green Card.

Yesterday my husband went to your office to get his driver's license. He said he just wanted his first last name on his license, so it would match his Social Security card. One of the workers there said that would be impossible and insisted on including his second last name as well. Okay, I guess...that's okay. It shows on his Green Card as "Cabrera Saldana" so I guess we can handle that.

But then they put a hyphen in between the two last names. So now my husband's last name reads "Cabrera-Saldana." That is in no way, shape, or form, my husband's last name. It's different. And after working at a bank and working with immigration for over 2 years, I know that tiny details like that make a difference. They make life suck for us.

So I told my husband to go back and tell you to take the hyphen out of his last name. But you refused. You said that it had to be that way for the system to recognize it. I don't know what system you are using that wouldn't allow you to put a space between two last names, but it needs to be fixed to accommodate the thousands of Latinos that come into your office every day with the same problem. (I've checked with a few other Latinos who had no problem putting their two last names [without a hyphen] on their license.)

This is not the first problem of this nature that I've had with your office. When I tried to change my last name after my husband and I were married, you insisted that I take his two last names, because that's how his name appeared on our marriage certificate. Even though my Social Security card, which I changed first, only had his first last name. The person helping me said, after I tried to explain to him that it was his mother's last name and I didn't want to take it,

"I know how it works in Latin America, but we legally we have to do things this way. Unless you have some way to prove that it is his second last name."

So my husband whipped out his ID card from Peru. On his card it says, "First last name: Cabrera, Second last name: Saldana." In Spanish. The person helping me said,

"I know what this says. I know that this is how it's done in Latin America. But I can't accept this; it's in Spanish."

They made me bring in my husband's birth certificate, with a certified translated copy in English before they would allow me to change my name to Hannah Cabrera.

I don't know who is in charge over there or who I need to launch a formal complaint against, but as soon as I find out, they will be sure to get a lovely message from me.

Life is too short to spend hours in line at your office over and over again because you can't handle the fact that some people have names that are a little different.

Sincerely,

Hannah Cabrera

I want to love you every moment

This week a Facebook friend of mine lost her baby. She was born and not long after moved on from this life. It is a friend from high school that I don't really talk to much. I didn't want to seem insincere or superficial in offering my condolences, precisely because we are not very close and never really were. But her loss deeply saddened me, and that night I held my own baby girl much tighter than before.

I started thinking about loss and love. There is a phrase by President Thomas S. Monson that always comes to my mind when I think of death, especially that death that is least expected.

"How fragile life, how certain death."

It's true, and it often takes a painful reminder to help us appreciate the truthfulness of it.

From there I started to think about the people that I love most in my life. It seems that the people who are closest to me often bear the brunt of my anger or impatience. Unfortunately, the most beautiful relationships I have usually exhibit my ugliest behavior. But what if I were to lose one of those loved ones today? How many moments of anger or even of indifference would I have to regret?

Obviously, we are not perfect, and we won't be model citizens every second of the day. But how hard would it be to change little by little.

Then a new phrase entered my head.

I want to love you every moment.

My Facebook friend only got one moment to hold her child before she was gone. But I am sure that moment was a cherished one. How many moments do we let pass by without loving those closest to us? I have many moments with my daughter that I hold most dear and sacred. I can't think of a time when I've been mad at her (it's hard to get mad at a 4-month old). And yet, how often do I bark at my husband for something that in the long run is of such little consequence. And in doing so, I lose a moment that I could have spent loving him instead.

I have a quote on my wall. It was on my grandparent's wall for as long as I can remember, and I took it from them.

"Love is a daily decision."

Well, now I'm changing it. Love is a decision you make every moment. If someone close to me passes away, I don't want to feel the regret that I could have had more moments full of love. I want to say,

"I loved you every moment"

and mean it. It's tough...we get so caught up in our lives, in meaningless arguments, in minuscule details that may be annoying. But this is my new goal, and I hope to accomplish it as best I can. 

Welcome to the United States

[originally posted on another of my blogs on July 24, 2013]

My husband sent a text message to a wrong number today. Innocent mistake. This is the response he got.

"Welcome to the United States of America. If you live here, learn to speak f**ing English" 

(censor added)

What solicited such a hostile response? A simple message asking about a ride to work. Oh, and part of it was in Spanish. 

I've been mulling over in my head exactly how this text makes me feel. My husband is an immigrant from Lima, Peru. He has been in the United States for a little over a year. I was born and raised in Southern California, I moved to Utah with my family when I was 15, and I'm about as "white" as you can get. I descend from Swedes, English, French, Germans, and who knows what else. However, I am just as likely to write a similar text message (and mine would probably all be in Spanish) and accidentally send it to the wrong number.

So how would our overly enlightened American friend have responded if I had sent the message? Well, I imagine he would have responded in exactly the same way, since you can't really tell anything about a person through a text as simple as, "Hey man, do you know who I'm riding with today?" Unless, of course, it's in another language. More importantly if it's in Spanish. Then you know a whole lot about the person, right? 

I've thought of a million responses I would LOVE to send to our anonymous pen pal, our hospitable representative of the American welcoming committee. My husband won't let me send any. Not even a small one like, "Ever heard of being bilingual?" or "I already speak English, you douche bag."

In writing this blog, I came across an article entitled, "The United States Doesn't Have an Official Language." Which is a fact that apparently many people don't know, or simply choose to ignore. I read one of the comments at the end of the article. I literally laughed out loud.

"I think people should have the right to speak their language in their home, however, in public places the language should be english and the signs should be in english.

We are losing the significance of the United States of AMERICA!"

(Read more at http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2012/08/the-united-states-doesnt-have-an-official-language/#C68zOQF6HflXlfko.99)

I laughed because of the emphasis on the word AMERICA. First off, let's think about where the word America even comes from. Amerigo Vespucci, an Italian explorer, stated that the West Indies and Brazil were actually a brand new separate land mass, rather than the outskirts of Asia, as thought initially by Columbus. The American continent, and subsequently the independent country of The United States of America, received their names from him. So if we are going to get back to the significance of AMERICA, let's all learn Italian.

Secondly, America describes three different regions: North America, South America, and Central America (oh, and let's not forget American Samoa! Where there is an official language, and it is not English). So, again, epic fail on calling on Saint America to back you up on your, "English is the only language that should be spoken publicly in the United States" crusade. 

To be concise, I've thought a lot about what I want to get from writing this blog. I'm sick of just ranting and venting about injustice and ignorance purely for the sake of ranting and venting. The only way to rid ourselves of ignorance is by combating it with knowledge. So, do me a favor? Let everyone know The United States of America was named after an Italian, primarily inhabited my Native Americans (if that is still the politically correct term), and then overrun by IMMIGRANTS from all over the world. So let's get over ourselves and go learn another language! Or at least tolerate those who speak one. 

[POST SCRIPT]

I truly DO understand the frustration met by those who are trying to communicate with others and cannot do so because of language barriers. My husband and I were checking out at Sears the other day, and the lady in front of us was trying to speak Spanish to the cashier, who obviously did not know a baño from a burrito. Of course this is frustrating; it was probably equally as frustrating to both women. The point I am trying to make is not that we radically change everything about our country for the sake of purposely confusing all of those who are not fortunate enough to be bilingual, but rather that we have a little more patience and understanding when those kind of circumstances do arise.

Odio mis dientes

Cuando yo era una niña empecé a tener algunos problemas con mi autoestima. La mayoría de ellos provenía directamente de mi apariencia física. Cuando tenía unos 12 o 13 años hacía una lista de todas las cosas que odiaba sobre mí. Estas listas incluían cosas como ojeras bien oscuras, pecas,  los dientes feos, y ser plana de pecho (sí, a los 13 años me preocupaba que yo nunca sería lo suficientemente tetona).

Cuando entré en mi adolescencia, mi autoestima en realidad subió un poco. Esto puede haber sido debido al hecho de que me mudé cuando tenía 15 años, y los chicos empezaron a prestarme atención. Y cuando los chicos te presten atención, significa que eres bonita, ¿verdad?

A través de un poco más de maduración y crecimiento espiritual, he aprendido a valorarme por lo que soy, una hija de Dios con un valor infinito, y no por mi apariencia. Sin embargo, siempre ha habido una cosa que me hace muy incómoda.

Odio mis dientes.

Ahí está, lo dije. Yo totalmente y completamente detesto mis dientes. Y no me gusta hablar de ellos. De hecho, no me gusta hablar de los dientes en general. La palabra "dientes " me da asco. Tal vez porque me acuerdo de mis propios dientes imperfectos, que han sido un punto de dolor durante todo el tiempo que puedo recordar. Si alguna vez el tema de la conversación llega a los dientes, inmediatamente me quedo callada. No voy a hablar, para garantizar que ni un poco de la atención se dirige hacia mi boca.

De hecho, ese párrafo ahí fue muy difícil para mí escribir. En serio. Porque ahora todos ustedes están viendo mis dientes, ¿verdad?

Bueno, la razón por la que he hecho esta confesión pública es debido a esto: ya no me molesta. Y no voy a permitir que me incomode más.

La razón de este cambio milagroso viene de una charla que estaba escuchando hace unas semanas. Era un devocional de BYU del agosto pasado por la profesora Kristen L. Matthews y se titula: "El valor de las almas es grande."

En su discurso, Matthews dice lo siguiente,

"Hemos creado categorías como la nacionalidad, la raza, el origen étnico, sexo, religión, partido político, el estado civil, y así sucesivamente para organizar y dar sentido a la diversidad de la humanidad. Sin embargo, demasiado a menudo usamos estos sistemas aparentemente descriptivos para determinar el valor de los demás. Estas jerarquías artificiales de valor pueden causar división, discordia y comprensión sesgada de autoestima.

Uno de los sistemas de valoración que tiene consecuencias negativas para los sentimientos de valor individual es la belleza. Los seres humanos hacen todo lo posible para alcanzar un ideal entrenamientos belleza extrema, cirugía plástica, trastornos de la alimentación, rituales maquillaje elaborados, amplia cabello y tratamientos de uñas, y la compra compulsiva. Todos estos comportamientos se derivan del deseo de ser bella porque se nos ha enseñado a creer que las personas bellas son más valiosas que otros.

Recuerde: la belleza ideal es una construcción de este mundo. Podemos señalar a los sospechosos habituales de este falso sistema de valor de la industria de la moda, la publicidad, la televisión, etcétera. Y sí, nos bombardean con imágenes que dicen: "Esto es hermoso. Si eres esto, serás popular, que serás importante, serás deseable para ser novia o esposa, que serás digna de ser amada.”

La frase "la belleza ideal es una construcción de este mundo" resonó dentro de mí. En el momento en que empezó a hablar de la belleza, inmediatamente pensé en mis dientes. Pero tan pronto como ella dijo que "la belleza ideal es una construcción de este mundo," recuerdo que pensé: "Así que... ¿quién es el que dice que la forma de mis dientes me hace más fea?"

Tal vez sea porque cuando vas al dentista con los dientes "torcidos " o "imperfectos" te ofrecerán a "arreglarlos." Y la oficina del dentista no parece ser un lugar para promover la belleza superficial. Sería para su salud, ¿verdad? Porque el dentista es como un médico.

Este no es un mensaje para antagonizar los dentistas, sino más bien es para que yo me quede claro en algo. No hay una "belleza ideal."

La frase "La belleza está en el ojo del que mira" es realmente cierto. Estamos condicionados desde una edad muy joven para ser espectadores  que juzgan la belleza de acuerdo a las normas que nos traen revistas, programas de televisión y películas.

No dejen que uno (o varios) de sus características físicas les detengan o te hagan sentir de menos.

Élder Jeffrey R. Holland dijo lo siguiente:

“La atención excesiva al yo personal y el énfasis en el físico es más que demencia social; es espiritualmente destructivo y es responsable de gran parte de la desdicha con que las mujeres, entre ellas las jovencitas, se enfrentan en el mundo de hoy. Y si los adultos se preocupan de la apariencia —de hacerse estirar la piel, de recortarla o de hacerse implantar objetos en el cuerpo, o de hacerse modificar todo a lo que se le pueda dar nueva forma— esas preocupaciones y angustias seguramente tendrán un efecto en los hijos.”

Eso va para las mujeres y los hombres. Como una nueva madre de una hermosa niña, yo quiero que mi hija sepa que si ella no se parece a la supermodelo tradicional en una portada de revista, eso está bien. El hecho de que no se parece a otra persona no le quita nada de su propia belleza y ciertamente no de su valor infinito.

Tal vez no tengo los dientes “perfectos” según un ortodontista, pero  yo todavía soy hermosa.

Referencias:

Kristen L. Matthews, El Valor de las Almas es Grande. BYU Devotional, 13 agosto 2013.

Jeffrey R. Holland, Alas mujeres jóvenes. La conferencia general, octubre de 2005.

La versión en inglés: I Have an Overbite...and That's Okay.

I have an overbite...and that's okay.

When I was a fairly young child, I started having some major self-esteem issues. Most of them stemmed directly from my physical appearance. When I was around 12 or 13 I would make lists of all of the things I hated about myself. These lists would include things like having dark circles under my eyes, having freckles, having ugly teeth, and being flat chested (yes, at 13 I was worried that I would never be busty enough).

As I entered my teenage years, my self-esteem actually went up quite a bit. This may have been due to the fact that I moved when I was 15, and boys started paying attention to me. And when boys pay attention to you, it means you are pretty, right? (Please note the sarcasm.)

Through some maturation and definite spiritual growth, I learned to value myself for who I was, a daughter of God with infinite worth, and not by what I looked like. Nevertheless, there has always been one thing that makes me extremely uncomfortable.

I have an overbite.

There, I said it. I absolutely and completely detest my teeth. And I hate talking about them. In fact, I hate talking about teeth in general. The word “teeth” makes me cringe. Maybe because I am reminded of my own imperfect teeth, which have been a sore spot for as long as I can remember. If ever the topic of conversation comes to teeth, I immediately go quiet. I will not contribute, so as to ensure that not an ounce of attention is directed towards my mouth.

In fact, that paragraph right there was really hard for me to write. Seriously. Because now you are all looking at my teeth, right?

Well, the reason I have come out and made this public confession is because of this: it no longer bothers me. And I will not allow it to make me uncomfortable anymore.

The reason for this miraculous change comes from a talk that I was listening to a few weeks ago. It was given at a BYU devotional this past August by professor Kristen L. Matthews and is entitled, “The Worth of Souls is Great.”

In her talk, Matthews says the following,

“We have created categories such as nationality, race, ethnicity, sex, religious affiliation, political party, marital status, and so on to organize and make sense of humankind’s diversity. However, too often we use these seemingly descriptive systems to determine the worth of others. These human-made hierarchies of value can cause division, contention, and skewed understandings of self-worth.

One system of valuation that has negative consequences for feelings of individual worth is beauty. Human beings go to great lengths to achieve some ideal beauty—extreme workouts, plastic surgery, eating disorders, elaborate makeup rituals, extensive hair and nail treatments, and compulsive shopping. All of these behaviors stem from the desire to be beautiful because we are taught to believe that beautiful people are more valuable than others.

Remember: ideal beauty is a construction of this world. We can point to the usual suspects for this false system of value—the fashion industry, advertising, television, and so on. And yes, we are bombarded with images that say, “This is beautiful. If you are this, you will be popular, you will be important, you will be datable, you will be marriageable, you will be worth loving.”

The phrase “ideal beauty is a construction of this world” really stuck out to me. The moment she started to talk about beauty, I immediately thought of my overbite. But as soon as she said that “ideal beauty is a construction of this world,” I remember thinking, “So...who is it that says that my overbite makes me uglier?”

Maybe it’s because when you go to the dentist with “crooked” or “imperfect” teeth, they will offer to “fix” them for you. And the dentist's office doesn't seem like a place to promote superficial beauty. It would be for your health, right? Because the dentist is like a doctor.

This is not a post to antagonize dentists, but rather to come to grips with something myself. There is no “ideal beauty.”

The phrase “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is really true. We are conditioned from a very young age to be “beholders” who judge beauty according to standards brought to us by magazines and TV shows and movies.

Don’t let one (or many) of your physical characteristics hold you back or bring you down.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said this:

“In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women, including young women, face in the modern world. And if adults are preoccupied with appearance—tucking and nipping and implanting and remodeling everything that can be remodeled—those pressures and anxieties will certainly seep through to children.”

That goes for women and men. As a new mother of a beautiful baby girl, I want my daughter to know that if she doesn't look like the traditional supermodel on a magazine cover, that’s okay. Just because you don’t look like someone else doesn't detract at all from your own beauty and certainly not from your infinite worth.

I have an overbite. And I’m still beautiful.

References:

Kristen L. Matthews, The Worth of Souls is Great. BYU Devotionals, Aug 2013.

Jeffrey R. Holland, To Young Women. General Conference, Oct 2005.

P.S.

If you happen to feel bad about some flaw or your teeth (like me), check out this photo gallery I found from MSN!

Flaws We Love

American Girl

pa·tri·ot·ism

 [pey-tree-uh-tiz-uhm or, esp. British, pa-]  Show IPA

noun

devoted love, support, and defense of one's country; national loyalty.

I vaguely remember a history class from high school on the subject of nation building. One of the ways that leaders would build up and fortify their fledgling nations would be by encouraging patriotism. This was often accomplished by creating a national identity for all persons living within the often arbitrary borders of a new nation or country, regardless of diversity.

The problem with national identities is that they don’t leave much room for diversity. Because the whole point of creating a unified national identity in order to promote patriotism is to show your citizens that they are very much the same, have them identify with each other, and thus with their country.

The biggest challenge in creating a national identity is that it’s not very easy to generalize every physical, emotional, and philosophical characteristic of a population of billions of individuals. Or rather, it IS easy, but seldom, if ever, correct.

For example, when I think of Sweden, I think of blonde people. I don’t really know where I got that stereotype from, but it’s stuck with me for a long type. I’ve only ever met one Swede before, and she was blonde. But I bet I could find a ton of other people in Sweden who are not blonde.

National identity has always been something I’ve struggled with. I grew up in a small(ish) town in Southern California called Mira Mesa, where a great majority of residents are Asian. I remember coming home from kindergarten and asking my mom if I could dye my hair black because I was the only blonde in my class. I also remember my seventh grade science teacher, Mrs. Ki, starting off class each day by inviting everyone to tell blonde jokes (again, with me being the only blonde in that particular class).

I don’t know if that is where I began to develop this idea that national identities are rather superficial. I certainly didn’t feel like I belonged (at least in physical appearance) to the majority of kids in school. And yet, some of my best friends were Chinese, Filipino, and Vietnamese. My favorite food was lumpia and we sang karaoke at everyone’s birthday party (except mine, hahaha).

American Girl

There’s been this song playing on the radio a lot lately. Its lyrics and especially its title got me thinking again about national identity.

The song is called “American Girl” by Bonnie McKee. Here are some of her lyrics:

I fell in love in a 7/11 parking lot

Sat on the curb drinking slurpees we mixed with alcohol

We talked about all our dreams and how we would show 'em all (whoa oh oh oh)

…

I just keep moving my body (yeah)

I'm always ready to party (yeah)

No I don't listen to mommy (yeah)

And I'll never say that I'm sorry

Oh I'm an American girl

Hot blooded and I'm ready to go I'm loving taking over the world

Hot blooded, all american girl (Whoa)

I was raised by a television

Everyday is a competition

Put the key in my ignition (Oh-way-oh)

I wanna see all the stars and everything in between

I wanna buy a new heart out of a vending machine

Cause It's a free country so baby we can do anything (Whoa)

Just a silly song, right? But some phrases really caught my attention-- “I was raised by a television”-- “Everyday is a competition”-- “Cause it’s a free country so we can do anything.”

This is how one person identifies herself as an American. But...I’m an American right? I mean, I was born in the United States and I’ve lived here most of my life. Yet, I don’t really identify with anything in her song (except maybe 7/11...who doesn’t love a good slurpee?)

Real Miss America

Then I started thinking about some recent events I’ve seen in the news. I won’t go into them in detail, but I’ll leave some links in case you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Miss America 2014 (Nina Davuluri)

Marc Anthony Singing God Bless America at the MLB All-Star Games

Sebastien de la Cruz singing National Anthem at the NBA Finals

In each one of these events, someone received a lot of criticism for not living up to someone else’s idea of the American national identity. That arbitrary, superficial national identity that may be somewhat prevalent. In fact, someone even took the time to show what a real American looks like.

If that is the criteria, they might as well kick me out of the country right now.

National Identity vs. Personal Identity

Now, back to this idea of national identity. I understand its importance in a way. Everyone wants something to belong to, something to identify with. My husband lights up every time he meets a fellow Peruvian here, because they have things in common; they have a shared national identity. But when we let national identity overrule the right to have a personal identity, it has gone wrong.

About a year and a half ago I was talking to a coworker about movies. She said I should watch Captain America because it was a great movie. But then she added hesitantly, “Although, I don’t know if you would like it because its really patriotic.”

Somehow in the months that we had known each other, I had inadvertently convinced my coworker that I was not patriotic and maybe even “un-American.” It might have been because I’d married someone from a different country. Maybe because I have this weird fascination with other countries, especially Latin America. Or maybe because I often complained about our retarded immigration policies, and how difficult it had been for my husband to legally get here.

Calling someone “un-American” is a ridiculous concept because the whole idea of one true national identity is just bunk. You can describe things that were invented in the United States, you can recite different historical events that might bring us together, but if you base a national identity, especially in the United States, on the color of someone’s skin, their religion (or lack thereof), their country of origin, or their opinion on anything, you are just wrong. Especially the opinion one. Even the comparatively few governing leaders of our country aren’t unified on that one.

We need to stop putting so much emphasis on our personal opinion of what an “American” looks like or talks like or thinks like, and focus more on working together despite differences. And celebrating differences! Because really, when you color a picture with just one color crayon, it’s pretty boring. If you pull out the whole box, it gets much more interesting.

One Last Thought

This is Lucia.

Lucia is my adorable 4 month old daughter. She is American by birth (because she was born in the United States and so was her mommy). She is also Peruvian, by virtue of her birth to one Peruvian parent (my husband) and the fact that we registered her birth with the Peruvian consulate so she can have dual-citizenship.

I want my daughter to understand and learn about her Peruvian heritage and her American heritage. I want her to be able to identify with as many people as she can. This will be accomplished through teaching her and exposing her to a few different national identities. However, first and foremost I want her to know that she is a daughter of God, a daughter of Diego and Hannah Cabrera, and her own individual person. This will help her to create her own individual identity.

Don’t let people’s individual identity exclude them from your concept of national identity. Instead, let each individual identity contribute to a grander, broader, and more accepting national identity. 

Oh, and God bless America!!

Three Questions about Breastfeeding that Every Man and Woman Should Consider

It’s interesting how social media and the ever increasing allure of being constantly connected to others through the internet and public forums has exponentially intensified controversies that may have existed before, but on a much smaller scale. For example, last night I came home from work and said to my mom, “I have an idea for a new blog post. I’m going to write about the breastfeeding controversy.”

My mom’s reply was, “I didn’t even know there was a breastfeeding controversy.”

The truth is, as of maybe a year ago, I didn’t either. However, a couple of significant things have happened since then. The first and most important, I believe, is that I gave birth to my first child and subsequently joined the ranks of breastfeeding mothers. Another significant manifestation is the constantly growing conversation that has been brought to the public through blogs, media, and even Facebook posts.

I realized how big this controversy really is last night as a simple post on breastfeeding quickly escalated to a heated debate between Facebook friends. I started to do some more digging and formulated in my mind three important questions that I would like to address.

1. In the course of American history, when did it become unacceptable for a woman to breastfeed in public?
2. Why does seeing a woman breastfeed make people so uncomfortable?
3. Is it really that important of a controversy? Can’t women just suck it up and stay at home? Or find some alternative to evade the discomfort of others?

Each question is a bit complex, and I do not claim to have the “true” answers. But here are some of my ideas (backed up by some research).

When did it become unacceptable for a woman to breastfeed in public?

This question is pretty tricky. From what I’ve read, observed, and researched, it seems like support of public breastfeeding has fluctuated throughout modern history. I have no supporting documentation, but I believe public tolerance for breastfeeding strongly correlates with the availability of breastfeeding alternatives. When a woman had no option but to breastfeed she could either stay in her house all day long (literally a stay-at-home mother), or go about her business and breastfeed when needed in the public sphere.

When the United States first gained independence at the end of the 18th century, and well into the beginning and middle of the 19th century, I have found that there was much more public support of breastfeeding.

In her book, Breastfeeding Rights in the United States, Karen Kedrowski comments,

“...maternal breastfeeding became almost an emblem of new democratic ideal, as images of ‘nature’ were linked with equality, the rejection of decadent, aristocratic ‘culture,’ and the rising health and wealth of the middle class of the young nation.”

Art where women are depicted breastfeeding in public was not uncommon during this time. However, things began to change as the 19th century came to a close.

According to the article A History of Infant Feeding,

“In 1865, chemist Justus von Liebig developed, patented, and marketed an infant food, first in a liquid form and then in a powdered form for better preservation...By 1883, there were 27 patented brands of infant food...As formulas evolved and research supported their efficacy, manufacturers began to advertise directly to physicians...By the 1940s and 1950s, physicians and consumers regarded the use of formula as a well known, popular, and safe substitute for breastmilk. Consequently, breastfeeding experienced a steady decline until the 1970s.”

I spoke with my grandmother last night in doing some personal research on breastfeeding trends. She is the oldest woman I currently have contact with (she’s not even that old, born in 1937). She was breastfeeding her first child in the early 1950s and subsequently breastfed six more children until the 1970s. When I asked her if she breastfed in public she replied that while she did, she always covered up. She also replied that breastfeeding was not really encouraged when she was a young mother, and that people relied more on formula and bottle-feeding.

There was a resurgence of breastfeeding popularity in the 1970s, but it seems that trend has since reversed in contemporary times. Public opinion on women breastfeeding in public seems to be tolerance at best, and that is only if women are overly discreet and covered.

It seems to me then, that the general acceptance and even celebration of public breastfeeding all but disappeared with the introduction of formula.

Why does breastfeeding make people so uncomfortable?

The arguments I have heard against a woman breastfeeding in public have varied, but normally have similar roots. Most people I have talked to have stated that it doesn’t matter what she is doing, a woman “exposes” herself when she breastfeeds. I read comments of people who have compared breastfeeding to publicly urinating or running around naked.

According to a study done by two Canadian geographers, P.K. Spurles and J. Babineau,

“The roots of these restrictive attitudes are different for men and women. Whereas women tended to express concern about disruptions to social relations, even with unknown others, men tended to express discomfort related to fears of being perceived as deviant [a pervert]. Statements about appropriate places for breastfeeding were expressed in a rhetoric of rights and legislation in only 1 instance; concerns for the infant’s and breastfeeding woman’s physical needs were addressed only when affirming breastfeeding in public or social contexts.”

In my personal investigation, I have yet to speak to one woman who opposes public breastfeeding, mother or not. (Although I’m sure it wouldn’t be too hard to find one.) Personally, before becoming a breastfeeding mother, seeing women breastfeed in public was strange, but not overly offensive or uncomfortable for me.

Yet nearly every man I have ever talked to is strongly opposed to public breastfeeding, unless a woman is adequately covered, in which case some leniency is expressed. Some theories I have heard about men being so uncomfortable with exposed breasts, even minimal exposure for breastfeeding, is the sexualization and objectification of women. Their objections, “appear to indicate a widespread discomfort with the biological function of an organ that has acquired sexual connotations in American culture” (Kedrowski).

According to Karen Kedrowski,

“The evidence clearly seems to suggest that the contemporary fascination with the breast as a sexual object reflects a culturally determined, rather than a biologically inherent, obsession. Within Western societies, Marilyn Yalom has traced what she sees as a shift from the sacred breast, celebrated in both prehistoric and Christian medieval cultures, to increasingly prevalent representations of an erotic breast beginning in the Renaissance, frankly depicted as the desired object of the male sexual gaze. The idea that the breast can mean different things, or, at the least, that different dimensions of its meaning can be accentuated, during different historical eras seems to reinforce this emphasis on the culturally determined, rather than the biologically based, meaning of the breast.”

While the sexualized nature associated with the breast may play some part in people's awkwardness to breastfeeding, I do not believe it is the principal explanation.

I talked briefly with several men last night, and all but one opposed breastfeeding in public. That one was my husband. My husband grew up and lived in Peru up until last year, when he came to the United States (to marry this awesome American girl, haha). In Peru, along with every other Latin American country I have lived in, breastfeeding in public, uncovered, is normal and widely accepted.

So I asked myself, “Do hispanic men generally not sexually objectify women as much? Do they respect women more?” My personal experience in these countries (I’ve lived in Mexico, Honduras, and Peru) would indicated otherwise. In fact, I have felt more sexually objectified from 10 minutes of walking down a street in Honduras than I have in my entire life.

So why this distinct difference between these cultures in tolerance for public breastfeeding? I concluded that is has to do with exposure and cultural conditioning. When I asked my husband if he knew if women generally covered up breastfeeding or if they breastfed a lot in public in Peru, he just shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he said, “It’s not like I really paid attention. It’s just something normal that women do.”

On the other hand, when living in other countries, public breastfeeding has always caught my attention. I think this is because of cultural conditioning. I never see women breastfeed in public in the United States. Growing up, I don’t even really remember seeing my mom breastfeed my own brothers and sister, though I’m sure she did and I was pretty young. The point is, the less we see it, the more of a novelty it becomes, and the more unacceptable. It is not a question of right and wrong at this point. Historically, even the most religious zealots found nothing wrong with a woman’s somewhat exposed breast in order to feed her child. Though possibly influenced by the sexualization of the breast and the sexual objectification of women, it is more a question of the cultural condition of both men and women in the United States.

Okay, last question. Kudos to you if you’re still reading up to this point.

Is it really that important of a controversy? Can’t women just suck it up and stay at home? Or find some alternative to evade the discomfort of others?

If there is one thing all professionals in the medical and scientific fields all agree on, it is the supremacy of breast milk to that of formula or other breast milk alternatives. According to the article, Breastfeeding: social, economic and medical considerations, “Even though awareness of the benefits of breastfeeding is widespread, the motivation to breastfeed is not.”

According to S. Matthew Stearmer in his Masters’ dissertation on women breastfeeding in public,

“As long as the woman is behaving like a man she is typically allowed any space she chooses. Mothers however potentially create private space out of any public sphere they occupy by nature of how they chose to use the space. If a mother chooses only to shop then public space remain simply public. But if her baby is in need of food there is a breach in the de facto nature of that space. The mother who chooses to breastfeed calls into question the use of the space and her action requires a response to the changing definition of the space. Breastfeeding then creates a quandary over public vs. private space. Unless women are to be excluded from the public sphere while they are breastfeeding, society must begin to recognize its place in public. Even without considering women in the workforce, women are always in the public sphere. They work, serve, shop, recreate, lobby, etc., all in public space. This work cannot halt just because a woman has had a baby and must now feed it. As a society we need all of a mother's contributions, during the whole of her life time and the whole of her life experience. However, her ability to fully engage in life is limited by society's acceptance of her breastfeeding in public.”

So, yes, it is important. And yes, your opinion does matter. I, personally, have no problem breastfeeding uncovered in front of others. But the opinion of others matters to me, and so out of respect I try not to do so. I’ve tried the whole cover thing. It is a LOT harder than it looks. And I refuse to lock myself in a gross stall of a public bathroom in order to feed my baby.

According to A Qualitative Study of Attitudes Toward Public Breastfeeding Among Young Canadian Men and Women,

“Lack of public support and approval is cited by breastfeeding women as factors that discourage breastfeeding, and familiarity through exposure to breastfeeding is associated with increased approval and intent to breastfeed one’s own children. As such, understanding the content, in addition to the magnitude and direction, of public attitudes about breastfeeding is significant.”

In talking to some male co-workers last night, I asked one, “Would your opinion about breastfeeding in public change if you knew that ‘all 50 states have passed legislation that either explicitly allows women to breastfeed in public, or exempts them from prosecution for public indecency or indecent exposure for doing so’?” His answer: No.

Then I asked, “Would it change if your wife was an emotional wreck after giving birth, struggling with breastfeeding in the first place, and then on top of everything the blanket she is trying to keep over your baby’s head keeps falling off her shoulder?” Again: No.

So listen, I am well aware that this blog may do nothing to change the opinions of people. But learning more about breastfeeding, its importance in the lives of infants, and the effect of public attitudes has changed my opinion, so I’m assuming it might help others. So spread the word! Knowledge is power!

References:

Boyer, Kate. “The way to break the taboo is to do the taboo thing” breastfeeding in public and citizen-activism in the UK. Health and Place, 2011, Vol.17(2), pp.430-437, 2011

Kedrowski, Karen M. Breastfeeding rights in the United States. Westport, Conn.: Praeger Publishers, 2008, xiii, 175 p.; 25 cm.

Spurles, PK; Babineau, J. A Qualitative Study of Attitudes Toward Public Breastfeeding Among Young Canadian Men and Women. Journal Of Human Lactation, 2011, Vol.27(2), pp.131-137, 2011

Stearmer, S. Matthew. A European case study on the intersection between public and private space : increasing breastfeeding rates in a modern world. Thesis (M.S.)--Brigham Young University. Dept. of Geography, 2010., 2010, vii, 120 p.: maps; 28 cm.

Stevens, Emily E.  History of Infant Feeding. J Perinat Educ. 2009 Spring; 18(2): 32–39. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2684040/)

Tan, KL. Breast feeding: social, economic and medical considerations. Ann Acad Med Singapore. 1983 Oct;12(4):609-13.