Surviving the Distance

This Tuesday, September 16, marks exactly 6 months since Diego and I have been apart. Diego said something the other day about how fast the time has gone.

Well, I'm glad it went by fast for him because it has been the longest six months of my life. 

It's not like Diego and I are strangers to long periods of distance. You could say that that is a big part of our relationship. 

Our first shot at long distance was 8 months. I was still on my mission; Diego was at home. We didn't talk on the phone, we only wrote to each other once a week. We weren't officially in any kind of relationship, just good friends. Still, through our distance, we learned to care for each other. Time flew by then.

After two short weeks in Peru, we were apart again. This time for 9 months. A lot happened in that nine months. We broke up and got back together several times. Our relationship went through a refiner's fire. But in the end, we decided our love could be an eternal one, and got engaged. 9 months after my first trip to Peru, I returned, this time with a ring on my finger. We were together for a well deserved 2 months. It was heavenly. We went on actual dates, we talked late into the night, we were able to hold each other close.

Then separation. Again. This time it was only 3 months. Three stressful months--planning a wedding, trying to graduate from college, starting a new job, and begging immigration services to hurry up our paperwork so I could have a groom on my wedding day. Those months went by pretty fast.

May 25, 2012 finally came around. We were sealed for time and all eternity. Everything was just as it should be. 

Except not. Contrary to popular belief, Diego didn't just "become a citizen" when he married me. He didn't even become a resident for nearly a year after our wedding. Months passed. We were together, that was the good part. The bad part was that Diego wasn't allowed to work. Or go to school. Or to do anything really. 

A year passed. We had a beautiful baby girl. We were together every day. Sometimes I think we forgot about the distance. We started to take for granted the simple blessing of just physically being together.

Months and months passed. Things started to get more difficult. Diego started looking into joining the Army, something I would never have even imagined. I knew it would mean more separation. After counseling and praying together, we decided it was the right decision. I thought the separation wouldn't hurt so bad, since we had done it so many times before.

After 22 months of being together every day, we parted ways again. This time things were very different, though. I wasn't working or going to school. I had Lucia to keep me company, but sometimes that made me even more lonely. I've gained a whole new respect for single moms. Diego has thrived in the Army. He's become a fully qualifies Combat Medic. I am very proud of him.

I have tried to keep myself busy. It's hard being a stay at home mom, because technically you are always busy, but you sometimes feel like you get absolutely nothing done. It has made time seem sluggish. 

Time is a funny thing. Though it feels like an eternity since I've woken up with my husband by my side, it also seems like Lucia is growing up way too fast. She has completely transformed from a 10 month old baby to a bubbly busy toddler.

So 6 months later, and finally, this Thursday, we will all be together again. I don't know for how long this time. It could be a year. It could be more. Or less. Since Diego is active duty, I know we will be apart again.

Sometimes I cry about it. Sometimes I just accept it as part of our life together. I hope the separation will continue to help me appreciate the moments that we are together. 

Promises, Covenants, and Ordinances

In 2009, I was madly in love. I was 21 years old and dating the guy that I'd had a crush on since I was 15. It was a dream come true, and I thought it would last forever.

I was also preparing to serve a mission. I'd wanted to serve as long as I could remember and my boyfriend had promised to wait for me. He'd already served two years, and I'd written to him the entire time. Though we'd talked about getting married quite a bit, I'd prayed a lot about my decision to wait and serve a mission, and that felt right.

I remember hanging out with a mutual friend of ours one night before I left. He'd been a close friend of ours for years, and had always been willing to give advice to me and my boyfriend since the beginning of our romantic relationship three years before.

During our conversation, my friend said, "Do you really think he'll wait for you? What happens if you come home and he's not around anymore?"

The thought had crossed my mind briefly before, but I was convinced that after the three years in which we'd gone through so much together, we were sure to be able to make it through 18 more months. I assured my friend of this, to which he responded,

"But 18 months is a long time and people change."

Well, we did change. At least he did. I wasn't 3 months into my mission before my boyfriend had gotten another girlfriend.

I've been reflecting a lot on that conversation I had with my friend all those years ago since I read a blog by Matt Walsh called, "My wife is not the same woman that I married," where he addresses divorce, marriage, and people changing.

On my mission to Honduras the biggest obstacle that most adults faced when wanting to get baptized was the fact that they were living in fornication or adultery. They weren't married to the person they were living with. They would introduce each other as, "This is my husband," or "This is my wife," but the actual marriage had never been performed. They just hooked up one day and then decided to live together. They were lacking a very significant promise.

A lot of them would ask me what the big deal was. They were just like a married couple. Many of them had children. Some told me that marriage just ruined things, and that living together was the best.

They failed to recognize the significance of promises, covenants, and ordinances.

Yesterday I was able to teach a class to the Young Women about ordinances and covenants.

An ordinance is a sacred, formal act performed by the authority of the priesthood. It initiates a solemn covenant.

On May 25, 2012, around 11am, my sweetheart and I covenanted with the Lord and with each other that we would love and take care of each other and spend the rest of eternity together. The ordinance was performed by a sealer in the temple who has the priesthood authority.

The hollow promise my boyfriend made to wait for me years earlier pales in comparison to this covenant and ordinance. Because now, though we may change (and we most assuredly will, because all people do!) we have that specific, sacred covenant to anchor us when times get tough. We made a promise that trumps all change. It was done in the right way, in the right place, and with the right authority. That is what all those couples in Honduras were lacking. There was no formal commitment; either one could leave at anytime.

Making covenants and receiving ordinances doesn't mean we're set and everything is taken care of; now life is going to be a piece of cake. In yesterday's class, one of the girls pointed that out. People do break solemn covenants all the time. It doesn't mean they are unbreakable. It doesn't mean that people lose faith, and fail to draw on the strength that is offered by those ordinances.

Everyone has their agency. But those specific ordinances are there to give us strength and power to resist temptation and cling dearly to our covenants. Those precise moments in time serve as potent reminders when all the forces in the universe seem to want to rip you apart.

God's plan of happiness for His children is molded around ordinances. I'm grateful for the specific, power-invested ordinances and covenants that are so much more than mere circumstantial promises.

A Sappy Anniversary Post

It's been 2 whole years since Diego and I knelt across the altar of the Jordan River temple and covenanted with each other and with the Lord to love and take care of each other for the rest of eternity.

In that time, I have learned and grown so much. Being married is hard work. There are definitely ups and downs. I think being separated from Diego for the last 2 and a half months, though it's been extremely tough, has given me time to really reflect on and evaluate our marriage.

There are 4 really important things that make our marriage wonderful.

1. From the beginning, God has been involved.

I fell in love with Diego for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest was that God was the most important person in his life. I knew that his love for his Heavenly Father would make him a better husband and a more loving father. And it has. He also says that is the biggest reason he married me. Because I always wanted to do what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. And since we've been married, we make sure to include Him always in the decisions we make as a couple. Our life hasn't gone AT ALL how we thought it would, but we trust that because we've constantly included the Lord in our planning, everything will work out all right.

2. We say sorry a lot (and mean it!)

That's right, the last 2 years haven't been one continuous honeymoon of marital bliss. We've had our fair share of fights and miscommunications. At the end of the day, though, we always say I'm sorry. It's always both of us that have to apologize, because it takes two people to fight, which means two people have to say they are sorry. We recognize that we are two imperfect people, trying to make a perfect marriage. Our marriage is so important to both of us, that we are willing to overlook our pride and egos to make it work. We are both pretty hot-headed at times, but it only takes one of us to cool down so that the other follows suit.

3. Our priorities are each other.

Sometimes I feel like my life is not going anywhere. I'm a college graduate who isn't doing anything with her degree. I'm sure Diego has felt like that a lot during the last 2 years as well. He was studying law in a great university, only to come here and have all those dreams flushed down the toilet. Our lives have changed dramatically since we met. But that's because our priorities are now each other. Diego probably won't end up working as a corporate lawyer and I probably won't end up getting a Master's degree, but we are happy because we have each other, and now Lucia. We make sacrifices to be together. Diego is sacrificing a lot right now to be able to provide for me and Lucia. Our marriage is the most important and more satisfying than any other dream we've ever had.

4. We will never give up.

There is a frame on our wall with the words, "Love is a daily decision." Day after day, month after month, and year after year, we must decide to love each other. We are in this for the long haul. Things get tough sometimes, but I feel safe and confident knowing that giving up on each other is not an option. 

I'm so grateful to have met and married a man as amazing as Diego Cabrera. I have no idea what the future will bring, but I know that it will be great while he is by my side. (If not physically, then at least on Skype, hahaha!)

Happy Anniversary mi vida. Te amo más de lo que puedo expresar en inglés o español!

New Year's Announcement: We're in the Army Now

DISCLAIMER: Diego hasn't really wanted me to post anything about him joining the Army because supposedly he might be sick or something and he's worried they won't let him in (even though he's sworn in and everything). So, even though it's pretty much a done deal, just remember that there is a SLIGHT chance (like .00001%) that he would be medically discharged. But not really. But I'm throwing it out there to make him feel better.

So anyway, I guess that kind of ruined the element of surprise.

Guess what!

Diego joined the Army.


(If you don't really care about the background of the decision, go ahead and skip down to the bottom in RED to get the nitty gritty details)

I'm pretty sure if this were me reading this post just a few months ago I would have thought, "Okay, what gives? It's not April Fool's or anything." Because a few months ago I never could have imagined how dramatically our lives would change. I never would have imagined my Peruvian husband joining the United States military in any way shape or form. And definitely could never imagine me: his peace-loving, gun-fearing, war-hating wife letting him do such a thing. But here I am, a converted Army wife.

A lot of thought, prayer, and fasting have gone into our decision. You see, we have goals for our family. Diego being the main provider. Me taking care of Lucia. Diego getting the skills and education he needs to be successful here. Finding a way to get medical insurance. Having a strong family dedicated to the gospel. All these goals seem to go in opposite directions, and we couldn't find a way to complete them all.

Then Diego brought up the idea of joining the Army. My initial reaction was simply: NO. I didn't give it a second thought. It was just NO. But Diego is stubborn (sometimes its a good thing). He kept on doing research about the benefits of joining the military. He talked to friends and family who had served in the military. He met with a recruiter.

Little by little it started to make sense to me.

You see, Diego never planned to come to the United States. He was pretty successful in Peru. As a youth, he studied hard, he'd served in the Church, he was an accomplished black belt in karate. He'd been accepted into one of the best universities in Peru, studying law. He had plans to go on to be a lawyer for businesses. Then he served an honorable full time mission in Honduras. That's where he met me and all his plans changed.

That's the part of our story that never gets told. The fact that Diego had a pretty good life and a pretty set plan where he was at. And he sacrificed it all to be with me. And then he kept sacrificing.

We started our marriage with a lot more debt than normal couples. Normal couples don't have to pay thousands of dollars for plane tickets just to see each other, or a thousand more for a Visa to come to the U.S. to get married, or $1500 for residency so he could STAY in the U.S. And normal couples don't have to wait a year for the husband to start legally working.

Diego was in No Man's Land. He couldn't work. He couldn't study. He couldn't even drive. Couldn't have a bank account. He pretty much just lived here. His self-esteem took a heavy blow. The successful, driven man that I had first met and married seemed defeated to me.

That's what I love about the idea of being in the Army. It is a chance for Diego to prove to himself that he is strong. He is intelligent. And he can do hard things. This will be possibly the biggest challenge of his life. But when he accomplishes it, he will regain his sense of  self.

So here's the basic information. 
Diego will train to be a 68W, Combat Medic.
He leaves to basic training on March 17, to Fort Sill, Oklahoma.
He'll be there for 9 weeks.
He starts his AIT (job training) on June 2 at Fort Sam Houston, in San Antonio, Texas.
He'll be there for 15 weeks.

We'll then move to wherever he gets stationed. He's in Active Duty for the next 4 years.

Some great news though. By the time he's done with training, Diego will become a U.S. citizen!!

Any support at this time is greatly appreciated. Tips, information, hugs, are all welcome. We don't really want any "What the heck were you thinking??" comments, though. Too late for that. He's signed and sworn in. We're very excited to be starting this new adventure together.

11 Reasons I love you

12 Days of Christmas for Husband

So I wanted to do something special for Diego this year for Christmas so I decided to do the 12 days of Christmas. I found some great ideas on Pinterest and came up with some of my own, too! I thought it'd be nice to share, since the blogs I found were very helpful!

He'd been asking for sunglasses for a while now (for when he drives) and I happened to find a pair at Big Lots. The first day is the easiest because whatever you get, you just have to get one! So make it good.

Anything that comes in pairs works great for the second day. (And the fourth, and the sixth...and so on.) Also found the slippers at Big Lots.

You can never have to many beanies, right? I found some $2 beanies at WalMart that worked great.

These are my husband's favorite bag of chips. I got the smaller bags at $1 each.

The collage frame can work for almost any of the days. I found a lot that had 8 openings, but I already had something planned for 8, so the 5 opening frame worked out perfectly.

3 pairs. $7. And he needed some new socks.

Found a 7-in-1 function tool at WalMart. Actually, it said 8-in-1 but it was counting the keychain as a function. So on the box I crossed out 8 and put 7 instead and then wrote, "Keychain is NOT a tool." Hey, it works, right?

So maybe not the most useful, but crayons are always fun, right? You have to start getting creative with the bigger numbers. I actually bought dry-erase crayons for our little white board we have at home. I'm expecting some very artsy love notes now.

Like I said, you have to get creative.

This is a coupon good for a ten minute massage. By me.

I stole this one from a blog I found. It's not easy to find things that come in 11, but your husband can always use a little more love.

Ferrero Rocher makes a 12 count gift box of chocolates. Mine is in the shape of a heart, but they had some in the shape of trees as well.

The 12 days of Christmas is PERFECT for my husband because he is so impatient for Christmas to come, and this gives him a little something to look forward to each day for nearly 2 weeks.

"How We Met" Stories

This is a project I have been working on for a couple of weeks. I had this genius business idea to do "How We Met" books for people, writing out their love stories in children book format and cartooning them. I'd probably need to find a more cost effective way to print them, but I wonder if people would be interested in paying for something like this?

Click here to view this photo book larger

You'll love award-winning Shutterfly photo books. Start your own today.

I want to love you every moment

This week a Facebook friend of mine lost her baby. She was born and not long after moved on from this life. It is a friend from high school that I don't really talk to much. I didn't want to seem insincere or superficial in offering my condolences, precisely because we are not very close and never really were. But her loss deeply saddened me, and that night I held my own baby girl much tighter than before.

I started thinking about loss and love. There is a phrase by President Thomas S. Monson that always comes to my mind when I think of death, especially that death that is least expected.

"How fragile life, how certain death."

It's true, and it often takes a painful reminder to help us appreciate the truthfulness of it.

From there I started to think about the people that I love most in my life. It seems that the people who are closest to me often bear the brunt of my anger or impatience. Unfortunately, the most beautiful relationships I have usually exhibit my ugliest behavior. But what if I were to lose one of those loved ones today? How many moments of anger or even of indifference would I have to regret?

Obviously, we are not perfect, and we won't be model citizens every second of the day. But how hard would it be to change little by little.

Then a new phrase entered my head.

I want to love you every moment.

My Facebook friend only got one moment to hold her child before she was gone. But I am sure that moment was a cherished one. How many moments do we let pass by without loving those closest to us? I have many moments with my daughter that I hold most dear and sacred. I can't think of a time when I've been mad at her (it's hard to get mad at a 4-month old). And yet, how often do I bark at my husband for something that in the long run is of such little consequence. And in doing so, I lose a moment that I could have spent loving him instead.

I have a quote on my wall. It was on my grandparent's wall for as long as I can remember, and I took it from them.

"Love is a daily decision."

Well, now I'm changing it. Love is a decision you make every moment. If someone close to me passes away, I don't want to feel the regret that I could have had more moments full of love. I want to say,

"I loved you every moment"

and mean it. It's tough...we get so caught up in our lives, in meaningless arguments, in minuscule details that may be annoying. But this is my new goal, and I hope to accomplish it as best I can.