Most of my childhood and adolescence, I wanted to have a career. I wasn't exactly sure what career I wanted to have, but I knew I wanted it to involve pantsuits and a briefcase. I knew I wanted to be a professional. I wanted to be important and I wanted to make a difference in the world. I wanted people to remember me as someone who helped change history in a good way.
A little over five years ago, things started to change. I found myself longing to be a wife and a mother, something I'd never really thought of as a priority before. Sure, I knew that was something I wanted to do, and it was important, but it would always be in addition to something more important. I would never be "just a mom."
When I got married I knew I wanted to have children right away. I didn't want to wait and "live my life" some more. I wanted to be a mom. It was an overwhelming feeling. Carrying my sweet daughter within me for 9 months was an incredible experience. I've been in love with her since I knew she existed.
I went back to work part time when Lucia was just 5 weeks old. I loved my job, but I missed my daughter every minute that I was away from her. Even though we were apart for just 5 hours a day, I always felt like it should be something temporary, until my husband and I got back on our feet.
A little over a year ago, I finally got the opportunity to become "just a mom." And holy cow, is it hard.
I don't want to complain about being a mom. I love it; I wouldn't change my job for anything in the world. What drives me nuts is when I hear people who think that being a stay-at-home mom is "easy" or that it's not real work. Maybe because before I may have been one of those people, and now I'm completely repentant and have gained such a deepened respect for all moms.
First of all, moms don't get time off. Ever. They never get to leave their job. If your baby wakes up at 1 in the morning, you don't get to inform that screaming bundle of joy that you are not "on call." Weekends? Same as any other day of the week. Same with holidays. And you don't get time and a half. Being a mom is a full-time job. Actually, it's more than full-time, because you definitely work more than 40 hours a week.
Being a mom is physically strenuous. Those toddlers sure can run, and it is hard to keep up with them! Sure, I'm not lifting 40 pound crates, but I'm lifting a 25 pound toddler and flying her around pretending she's a super hero. And apparently, they just keep getting bigger.
It's emotionally exhausting. She's crying again, and I have no idea why. I know she is trying to communicate something to me, but my toddler translator has ceased to function after a night of restless sleep from pregnancy and waking up two or three times hearing the little voice in the other room call out, "Mommy!"
It takes careful planning and thought. These little people have a lot of needs, and you have to meet them all. On top of that, you want them to learn, you need to make sure that you are helping their cognitive development, and their language development, and their social development, etc.
There are people that go to school and study this kind of stuff. They become professional care givers, or social workers or school administrators. They have a degree, and a title, and a paycheck. Most women who are "just moms" don't have any of that. But they do and know a lot of the same things.
I'm sick of those women who are "just moms" being so belittled, even in joking. It's hurtful. It's ignorant. I'd love to see any hotshot executive try to do what "just a mom" does, even for a day. Just because it is a different set of skills and knowledge doesn't make it any less valuable.
A great mom can make all the difference in the world. I had an amazing mom, who raised 7 amazing children. Even if a mom does nothing but raise one daughter who becomes just another mom, it makes a huge difference. Each life is precious; each positive, kind, helpful individual becomes a stronger thread in the fabric of society.
So why do they need more? I am not at all against moms getting more education or working from home or outside the home, or doing whatever they want to do to feel fulfilled. But if I already feel fulfilled dedicating all my time, talents, and energy to my offspring, then that should be enough. I shouldn't have to be "just a mom" who lacks something in her life. My life is complete. The time I have been given I chose to use to serve them, those little people who are my world. If I have other accomplishments in my life, they will pale in comparison to those little ones who will grow up and live fulfilled lives. Even if that fulfillment comes from just being a mom.
