Diego is starting a new job today. His training ours will be 4pm to 12:30am and then his normal hours will be from 10am to 7pm.
And it is time, again, to find another babysitter.
Yes, I should have been looking all last week. But you know what? Finding a babysitter is not like going to Wal-Mart to find laundry detergent.
A babysitter is looking for someone to take care of your most precious and prized possession. A person to look after a human being. It's a big deal. And I wish I could pay a babysitter what they really deserve, which would be a whole lot more than minimum wage. But then, I might as well quit my job and stay home myself.
A babysitter can't just be any old somebody off the street. She has to be someone I know and trust with the life of my baby. This is getting harder and harder. Especially after this Saturday when I came home to find that my baby had refused to eat anything from anyone except me. Like a hunger strike. Like, "Hey mom, I don't want a babysitter, I want you to stay home." And she wasn't even with a sitter. She was with her grandma.
So every time I start looking for a sitter, I fall into this deep depression as well. All of this horrible guilt that is built up from leaving my baby for 5 hours a day resurfaces and I just want to climb in a hole and cry.
Then on top of that--everyone is busy. They have normal jobs. And I don't blame them. I have a normal (part-time) job. Otherwise we would never make it financially. And those who are willing to do it live a ba-jillion miles a way. Which isn't a very feasible option either.
Anyway, this is not supposed to be a profound post, merely a vent of my feelings and trying to describe the most gut-wrenching, awful feeling that comes every time I have to start looking for a babysitter again.
It sucks.
The end.
I totally understand. I have to work 3 days a week. It breaks your heart every day you leave your beautiful baby with someone else. I would swap with you if we lived close by! We were lucky to find a sweet girl in our ward who doesn't have kids yet. You'll find someone. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks Janae!! :)
DeleteYou are more than welcome to drop her off here on the days I have Daniel (Monday and Friday, Tuesday is just morning) then if Grandma is watching her in evenings they would both be here to pick up. Wish I could offer to watch her all week, but I just can't. My heart hurts for you-I ended up not being able to leave mine but was fortunate for my husband being in the military. When he got out when Nick was 1, I worked at a friends daycare so at least Nick and I could be together. That was over 20 years ago though, and I know you guys are facing much tougher situation now. Praying for a solution that brings peace to your heart!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Athena! Daniel is very lucky to have a wonderful Yia Yia like you :)
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