From the beginning, I have felt somewhat uncomfortable with the whole movement, and wrote various posts about it that received a lot more attention than I thought they would. Through that discourse, I was able to hear from some of these sisters and feel of their sincere interest in doing that which is correct before God.
I still never felt like the movement was a good one, though, and struggled to understand how so many other well-educated, spiritually strong, covenant-making LDS women would follow such a movement, especially after repeated response both through formal Church correspondence and through the messages of prophets and apostles and other leaders in General Conference.
Last night, I decided to do the only thing I know how to do when I am confused or conflicted about something. I went to my Father in prayer and then went to my scriptures in search of answers.
This journey I have embarked on is primarily for my own sake. I consider myself fairly educated, especially when it comes to the Church, but I will readily admit that I am very far (and that's an understatement!) from knowing everything. So, I want to educate myself more about the priesthood.
I knew that to start with, I would have to set some ground rules--things that I know for certain.
These are things I know, and consider truth:
1. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's restored church on the earth today.
2. It is led by Christ himself, through revelation to His chosen prophet. (Amos 3:7)
3. The Spirit confirms truth to each of us individually, but will never go against what the prophet has said. (Moroni 10:5)
4. The prophet will never lead us astray. God would remove him from his place if he even tried. (See Wilford Woodruff's address on Official Declaration 1)
5. Because Christ was the only perfect man to walk the earth, God uses imperfect men to help Him run things. They are human beings, and subject to possible error. (1 Nephi 19:6)
With those truths in mind, I set out to study more about the priesthood and try to come to grips with the things that are happening. Unfortunately, I could only keep myself awake until about 1:30 am, at which point I decided that if I didn't want to be a complete zombie the next day, I should go to bed. And in all that time of studying, I never actually got to the priesthood part.
My study took a different turn. I think it was definitely something I needed to learn before I start on my journey of discovery about women and the priesthood.
First I read in the Doctrine and Covenants, section 50. It is a section that I read often as a missionary, but had hardly touched on since I've been back.
In verse 2 it says, "There are many spirits which are false spirits, which have gone forth in the earth, deceiving the earth."
In verse 15, it states, "And then ye received spirits which ye could not understand..."
The phrase that really caught my eye was the part about not understanding. That is exactly how I have been feeling. As I continued to read the section, I found more instruction.
"Wherefore, it shall come to pass, that if you behold a spirit manifested that you cannot understand, and you receive not that spirit, ye shall ask of the Father in the name of Jesus; and if he give not unto you that spirit, then you may know that it is not of God.
And it shall be given unto you, power over that spirit; and you shall proclaim against that spirit with a loud voice that it is not of God--
Not with railing accusation, that ye be not overcome, neither with boasting nor rejoicing lest you be seized therewith." (vs. 31-33)
That is why I am blogging about it. Again, I am in no way any kind of expert on women and the priesthood. And I don't claim to have all the answers, or even most of them. But this is a spirit that I cannot understand, this movement, and I would like to figure out why. And despite fear of what others may say, I am trying to speak with a "loud voice."
As I continued my study, I found myself in the New Testament, in 2 Timothy chapter 2. In this chapter, Paul is writing to Timothy about some of the Saints who had gone against the doctrine of the Church and were leading others astray (2 Timothy 2:17-18)
Verse 14 says, "Of these things put them in remembrance, charging them before the Lord that they strive not about words to no profit, but to the subverting of the hearers."
In the manual The Life and Teachings of of Jesus and His Apostles, it further clarifies this verse,
"Contention and division are of the devil. Agreement and unity are of God. Since true religion comes by revelation, man's sole purpose in trying to understand and interpret gospel principles should be to find out what the Lord means in any given revelation. This knowledge can be gained only by the power of the Spirit. Hence, there is no occasion to debate, to argue, to contend, to champion one cause as against another."
I am just embarking on my own personal journey in learning more about the priesthood and my role with it as a woman. I have always considered myself a champion of women's equality and rights. But I also know that God is a god of order. He established His church so "that we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ" (Ephesians 4:14-15).
I seek to do what is right before Him, as I know my fellow sisters in the Church do. I hope that in some way my personal journey may help someone out there who is also seeking to learn more.
I'll keep posting as I keep learning, as always.
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