Close the Computer

I've learned a lot of things from my 14 month old daughter in her short lifetime. Above all she has taught me to live in the moment, using very forceful expression.

I do not own a smart phone, so most of my internet browsing happens on my small Chromebook that I can carry from room to room easily. During the day I'll open my tabs: first Facebook, then my email, and then sequentially all other websites that I deem necessary to do my internet "chores" for that day. Sometimes they are bank accounts or places I need to pay bills to. Some I leave open as a reminder of things I need to call on or look into further. A lot of times I'll open Spotify or Pandora so my daughter and I aren't in complete silence during the day.

Slowly my tabs begin to multiply. As I casually peruse Facebook, I'm led to news articles and trivia and quizzes about what type of carbonated beverage I am.

Don't get me wrong; I adore my daughter and we play and eat and do all the things most moms and their babies do. But my computer seems to always be around just in case I have a new notification or message.

Lately, Lucia has been catching on to that fact that my mommy brain is constantly multitasking. So in order to have all of my attention, she has got into the habit of closing my computer. I'll be sitting on the bed while she plays on the floor. She'll climb up and close the computer. We'll be watching a show and I'll also be periodically checking things online. She'll close the computer. Sometimes she even reinforces her action by sweetly saying "Bye bye" as she closes it.

Okay, Lucia. I get your point.

When I am with her, I should be with her one hundred percent. It isn't bad to be on the internet now and again throughout the day, and sometimes I really do have "errands" that I can do faster online. But the moment has come to stop wasting my time reading about what pop stars from the 90s are doing nowadays, or every mommy blogger's opinion about what laundry detergent is safest.

Regarding the internet, Randall L. Ridd said, "With it you can accomplish great things in a short period of time, or you can get caught up in endless loops of triviality that waste your time and degrade your potential. With the click of a button, you can access whatever your heart desires. That’s the key—what does your heart desire? What do you gravitate toward? Where will your desires lead?"

My desire is to be close to my daughter. To be the best mom, best wife, and best person I can be. So from now on instead of being tempted to look at just one more interesting video from my Facebook newsfeed, I will close the computer. There is always an hour or so at the end of the night when my little one is sweetly sleeping that I can spend a little more time writing silly blogs like this one.

The Day I Almost Quit 100 Happy Days

It was June 5, day 65 of my 100 Happy Days challenge. Over half-way through, I felt pretty upset about quitting.

"But that's what you are, a quitter."

That was my depression. She has a nasty voice that sounds like mine when I'm at my meanest.

"Why did you think you could be happy for 100 days straight? Are you kidding? You're never happy."

My rational voice tried to protest by saying that I'd already proved to myself that I could do it for 64 days. But when I'm depressed, my rational voice is just a really soft mutter.

I don't even remember why I was depressed that day. Sometimes (actually, most of the time) there isn't even a valid reason. Something small might tip me off and then I'm down a dark hole faster than Alice in Wonderland.

The whole reason I had started the 100 Happy Days challenge in the first place was to help with my depression. Especially since my husband left to train with the Army for 6 months, being happy seemed like an impossible task. But structure and goals seemed to help quite a bit, so this challenge was perfect.

I'd seen some of my friends posting their challenge pictures on Facebook and wanted to give it a go. There had definitely been some sad moments in the first 64 days, but I was always able to find something to be happy about during that time, even if it was something as simple as a bowl of ice cream after finally putting my baby to bed.

Not Day 65 though. For some reason I couldn't get out of my hole long enough to find something positive about my most-likely uneventful day. I'd probably just stayed home all day, in my pajamas. Maybe I'd made goals and plans for the day and not done any of them. Maybe I just felt like a waste of space, and it was all I could do to feed my baby and keep her happy between waking up, nap time, and bedtime.

"You did nothing today, you loser. What do you have to be happy about?"

Snarky ugly depression voice. I really hate her, and she sure is loud.

Then I heard a very soft voice say, "Well, there is always tomorrow."

And suddenly, that was my happy thought for the day. Days could get really bad, but the sun always comes up the next day with new opportunities and new surprises.

Maybe I hadn't been productive or positive that day, but it didn't mean I had to stay down in the dumps forever. Tomorrow comes and we get another chance. If that doesn't make everyone happy, I don't know what will.

Today I posted my last "100 Happy Days" picture to my wall on Facebook. I'm so glad I didn't give up, and didn't pay attention to that awful mean voice in my head that kept telling me I'm a quitter. I have learned so much in the last 100 days, but most importantly that happy does not depend on your circumstances, but rather on your choices.

There have been sad days during my 100 Happy Days, but I've been able to find at least one happy thing each day, despite what may have happened. Most days I could have posted a ton of pictures of what made me happy that day.

To make sure I got my challenge done, I would start each day thinking, "I wonder what I'll post today." Then throughout the day I'd make sure to take a picture, or find a picture online to represent what happiness I'd found in the day.

So, to my obnoxious depression voice--IN YOUR FACE! I WON!

She may always be around, trying to bring me down, but now that I've been happy for 100 days, I will continue to look for the happy every single day for the rest of my life. Because once you've developed that habit, it's hard to break.

Why Social Media is Actually NOT the Devil

So, I've been seeing a lot of articles and videos and memes about how technology is overtaking our lives and making us out of touch with reality. Just for the record, I completely agree that looking down at your phone or your computer or your ipad every two seconds, rather than talking to people who are physically right next to you, is not a good thing. Facebook and Twitter and Instagram can definitely distract from meaningful human interaction.

But I would also like to point out that those very same channels of social media can also be the means of creating meaningful human interaction.

Example: When my husband left for the Army's basic training, I started following a Facebook page for his specific battery. Through that page I was able to see pictures of things that they were doing and also comments from other wives and moms of the other soldiers. I think it kept a lot of us more sane being able to feel like we weren't so alone in our own journey through basic training.

One of the other wives from the battery reached out and added me on Facebook. We chatted a bit and found that we had quite a bit in common, and that our husbands were going to the same post after basic training. This last week we both went to see our husbands graduate. We both got there a day early and were able to spend some time together before Family Day and graduation. That night that we both said goodbye to our husbands again, we really needed some company. This new found friend came over to my hotel and we talked for nearly an hour, trying to keep each other's minds off our husbands' absence.

That friendship started on Facebook, but fostered a wonderful "real" human interaction, one I was definitely in need of.

I understand that all good things need moderation. But I would like to suggest that while social media can surely distract from human interaction, it can also create it, and even greatly enhance it. It really just depends on how you use it.

Make sure that social media is a means to an end--that end being meaningful human interaction. Let it lead to get togethers and playdates with other stay-at-home moms. Or reconnecting with an old friend from elementary school and finding that you have way more in common than you might have thought. Or creating family groups where you can stay aware of things that are happening with loved ones.

Don't let social media replace human interaction; let it create and enhance it!