Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Surviving the Distance

This Tuesday, September 16, marks exactly 6 months since Diego and I have been apart. Diego said something the other day about how fast the time has gone.

Well, I'm glad it went by fast for him because it has been the longest six months of my life. 

It's not like Diego and I are strangers to long periods of distance. You could say that that is a big part of our relationship. 



Our first shot at long distance was 8 months. I was still on my mission; Diego was at home. We didn't talk on the phone, we only wrote to each other once a week. We weren't officially in any kind of relationship, just good friends. Still, through our distance, we learned to care for each other. Time flew by then.

After two short weeks in Peru, we were apart again. This time for 9 months. A lot happened in that nine months. We broke up and got back together several times. Our relationship went through a refiner's fire. But in the end, we decided our love could be an eternal one, and got engaged. 9 months after my first trip to Peru, I returned, this time with a ring on my finger. We were together for a well deserved 2 months. It was heavenly. We went on actual dates, we talked late into the night, we were able to hold each other close.

Then separation. Again. This time it was only 3 months. Three stressful months--planning a wedding, trying to graduate from college, starting a new job, and begging immigration services to hurry up our paperwork so I could have a groom on my wedding day. Those months went by pretty fast.

May 25, 2012 finally came around. We were sealed for time and all eternity. Everything was just as it should be. 

Except not. Contrary to popular belief, Diego didn't just "become a citizen" when he married me. He didn't even become a resident for nearly a year after our wedding. Months passed. We were together, that was the good part. The bad part was that Diego wasn't allowed to work. Or go to school. Or to do anything really. 

A year passed. We had a beautiful baby girl. We were together every day. Sometimes I think we forgot about the distance. We started to take for granted the simple blessing of just physically being together.

Months and months passed. Things started to get more difficult. Diego started looking into joining the Army, something I would never have even imagined. I knew it would mean more separation. After counseling and praying together, we decided it was the right decision. I thought the separation wouldn't hurt so bad, since we had done it so many times before.

After 22 months of being together every day, we parted ways again. This time things were very different, though. I wasn't working or going to school. I had Lucia to keep me company, but sometimes that made me even more lonely. I've gained a whole new respect for single moms. Diego has thrived in the Army. He's become a fully qualifies Combat Medic. I am very proud of him.

I have tried to keep myself busy. It's hard being a stay at home mom, because technically you are always busy, but you sometimes feel like you get absolutely nothing done. It has made time seem sluggish. 

Time is a funny thing. Though it feels like an eternity since I've woken up with my husband by my side, it also seems like Lucia is growing up way too fast. She has completely transformed from a 10 month old baby to a bubbly busy toddler.

So 6 months later, and finally, this Thursday, we will all be together again. I don't know for how long this time. It could be a year. It could be more. Or less. Since Diego is active duty, I know we will be apart again.

Sometimes I cry about it. Sometimes I just accept it as part of our life together. I hope the separation will continue to help me appreciate the moments that we are together. 



Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Close the Computer

I've learned a lot of things from my 14 month old daughter in her short lifetime. Above all she has taught me to live in the moment, using very forceful expression.

I do not own a smart phone, so most of my internet browsing happens on my small Chromebook that I can carry from room to room easily. During the day I'll open my tabs: first Facebook, then my email, and then sequentially all other websites that I deem necessary to do my internet "chores" for that day. Sometimes they are bank accounts or places I need to pay bills to. Some I leave open as a reminder of things I need to call on or look into further. A lot of times I'll open Spotify or Pandora so my daughter and I aren't in complete silence during the day.

Slowly my tabs begin to multiply. As I casually peruse Facebook, I'm led to news articles and trivia and quizzes about what type of carbonated beverage I am.

Don't get me wrong; I adore my daughter and we play and eat and do all the things most moms and their babies do. But my computer seems to always be around just in case I have a new notification or message.

Lately, Lucia has been catching on to that fact that my mommy brain is constantly multitasking. So in order to have all of my attention, she has got into the habit of closing my computer. I'll be sitting on the bed while she plays on the floor. She'll climb up and close the computer. We'll be watching a show and I'll also be periodically checking things online. She'll close the computer. Sometimes she even reinforces her action by sweetly saying "Bye bye" as she closes it.

Okay, Lucia. I get your point.



When I am with her, I should be with her one hundred percent. It isn't bad to be on the internet now and again throughout the day, and sometimes I really do have "errands" that I can do faster online. But the moment has come to stop wasting my time reading about what pop stars from the 90s are doing nowadays, or every mommy blogger's opinion about what laundry detergent is safest.

Regarding the internet, Randall L. Ridd said, "With it you can accomplish great things in a short period of time, or you can get caught up in endless loops of triviality that waste your time and degrade your potential. With the click of a button, you can access whatever your heart desires. That’s the key—what does your heart desire? What do you gravitate toward? Where will your desires lead?"

My desire is to be close to my daughter. To be the best mom, best wife, and best person I can be. So from now on instead of being tempted to look at just one more interesting video from my Facebook newsfeed, I will close the computer. There is always an hour or so at the end of the night when my little one is sweetly sleeping that I can spend a little more time writing silly blogs like this one.



Tuesday, May 20, 2014

"My wisdom is greater than the cunning of the devil"

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by life. Especially now that I am a mother; I tend to worry a lot more. I worry about how I will raise my daughter in a world that is increasingly dangerous, increasingly hostile, and increasingly wicked. Scouring Facebook Newsfeed and browsing random news articles seems to make me stress even more.

Today in particular for some reason, these feelings of inadequacy and fear kept popping into my head. I worry about how bad things are going to get in these, the "last days." I want to be strong and of good courage, but sometimes I feel more like I will spend the last days hiding under a rock, just waiting for all the pain and sadness and wickedness to pass.

Tonight as I was reading my scriptures, though, I found my answer. That's the amazing thing about reading the scriptures, they will always have the answers you need.

I was reading in 3 Nephi, chapter 21, verse 10. The Lord says to his people,

"I will show unto them that my wisdom is greater than the cunning of the devil."

Those words stuck out to me. I felt calm, and confident that God truly is in charge. He truly is greater than all the cunning and cheating and lying and persuasion of the adversary. And if we are on His side, we don't have to be afraid.

It wasn't a new thought. I remember the first time I'd felt exactly like this. I was 17 years old, and still in Young Women. But I'd skipped out on my class and gone to Relief Society with my best friend Marie. I remembered looking at some of the young mothers with their babies in the class and thinking, "Man, there is the chosen generation. They are going to have it way harder than we ever did." Then the thought struck me, "And I'm going to have to raise them!" I remember feeling panic. How would I ever be able to be a righteous mother in Zion if things were just going to get worse and worse?

Just like tonight, peace flooded over my fears as my Father in Heaven gently reminded me that He is in charge. And if He really is in charge, I only need to put my trust in Him. Things are going to get bad, well, worse than they already are. But God's wisdom is always greater than the cunning of the devil. He will always be the winner. If we trust in Him, we don't have to get overwhelmed. We can do all things with His divine help.



Thursday, May 15, 2014

One Year Ago

One year ago today, I was in the hospital.

I had the most amazing experience. I remember working slowly through pain, pain that was bringing an incredible blessing into my life.

After more than 16 hours of labor, my sweet Lucia Belén decided to join us here. As she cried, all I wanted to do was comfort her and let her know that I was there for her, and I always would be.

It was love at first sight.

She had a full mess of dark hair and her daddy's face.

A year ago today, I became a mom.



It has been an exhilarating ride so far. There have been some bumps and bruises, some sick days and sad days. But mostly there has just been so much happiness. More happiness than I ever could have imagined.

Some people joke that I take way too many pictures. Ha! And those are just the ones you see on Facebook.

The truth is, I wish I could have it all recorded. Every smile, every coo, every little word, wink, and wiggle. I sure hope in heaven there is a replay button, because there are little tender moments that I want to experience again and again.

Here's to many more years filled with learning, growing, laughing, and love.

Happy Birthday my Lucia. Te amo.


Friday, May 9, 2014

This Mother's Day, Let's End the War


Sometimes people jokingly (or not so jokingly) criticize me because my baby is very attached to me. I've been told that I need to spend some time away from her to let her get used to other people. Or that I need to wean her now because she's almost a year old and she depends too much on me.

Well, I've been a mom for a little less than a year. And I can't say that I have a degree in child development or psychology or anything like that. But I've been entrusted with a job to do, and I don't want anyone else to do it for me. And while I will listen to any and all advice I get, it doesn't mean that is how I will do things. Because I'm her mom, and no one else is.

I had a lot of people tell me not to co-sleep. But it felt right to me. People told me she would never leave my bed, she would have sleeping problems, we'd kill her in our sleep. But we didn't. And she didn't. She sleeps through the night now on her own, in her own room in a crib. But only since February, when she was 8 months old. We still co-sleep at naptime and occasionally during the night, too. I love to cuddle with her and see her smile in her sleep. During the first weeks and months, it also helped me to feel her heartbeat and hear her breathing so I'd be reassured something terrible hadn't happened in another room that I couldn't hear.

I've read disparaging things about breastfeeding, and as she's gotten older, more and more people are asking me when she will stop. The more I've researched, and more importantly, after paying attention to the small nuances of our personal relationship, I don't think we'll stop for a while. It is our time to bond, our special time. It helps me to reassure her when she is in new places. It helps her to sleep at night. She may depend on me more, but that's what I'm here for, right? I purposely had this baby, and have intended from the very beginning to be her mother. I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. I have been very blessed with the opportunity to stay home and take care of her. It may not always be like that. But while it is, I will take advantage of every minute.

Being a mom has completely changed my life. I knew it would. I didn't realize, however, that by becoming a mother I would be entering a war zone. A war zone where everyone seems to know what is right and wrong for you and your child. I had no idea there were so many parenting controversies. Breastfeeding. Bottle-feeding. Naptimes, playtimes, bedtimes. How to eat. How to speak. How to sleep. Walking with shoes or without them. Eating sugar or not. What TV shows to watch or none at all?

Holy cow.

Believe me, if there is one thing I have come to appreciate being a mom in the last year, it is that is HARD WORK. It's a tough job, and it completely consumes you. So I don't know how so many moms have so much time to tell other moms how to be moms. Seriously. I'm more worried about how to do my own job, let alone worrying about how my neighbor or my sister or my cousin is doing hers.

This doesn't mean we can't learn from each other. We are here to help each other out. But we can do two really important things as moms.

1. Don't take offense if someone tells you how to do your job. Just smile, thank them for the advice, and then take it, or don't. Ultimately, it's your choice.

2. If you do give advice, keep the first important thing in mind. They may take your advice, or not. Ultimately, it's their choice.

I applaud every mother who keeps their kids alive day after day. We are all trying our best, and some days are harder than others.

Every smile, every coo, every "I love you" (even though my baby hasn't quite mastered that one yet!) All these things make all the sleepless nights and bites on your boobs and random tantrums that come out of no where...worth it.

To all you moms out there this Mother's Day, I admire and respect each of you. It has been my greatest honor to finally join your ranks.

Happy Mother's Day!



Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Lucia y mamá

I couldn't help it. I had a $10 off coupon for another photo book, so I made myself a Mother's Day gift. :)



Shutterfly offers exclusive layouts and designs so you can make your book just the way you want.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

I Know Heavenly Father Loves Me

I started writing this post a few months ago but never finished. I don't know why; I guess I felt that I couldn't adequately explain how I felt or that maybe it wouldn't come across the way I wanted it to in such a public forum. But today while I was teaching, this idea again came to mind and I shared it with the girls, so I feel like I should write it here too.

Today our lesson was, "How can I know my Heavenly Father?" Though I started reading the text of the lesson just last night, unbeknownst to me I'd been preparing for it for the last couple of weeks. I have always known that I have a Father in Heaven and that He loves me. I've felt it many times throughout my life, sometimes more strongly than others.

When I returned home from my mission I had promised myself I would always continue my personal scripture study. However, after not too long, my study habits began to relax and I found myself going sometimes weeks at a time without reading. I've made tepid attempts at getting my reading habits back to how they were when I was a missionary, but with pretty poor results.

This new year, my resolution is to read the Book of Mormon every day for 30 minutes. I've only done it once before, a whole year without missing a day. On Friday night I started to read my 30 minutes. I'm kind of a clock Nazi when it comes to my 30 minutes, so once I've started reading, I don't like anything to interrupt me. But about 5 minutes into my reading I came to a verse in 3 Nephi, chapter 27. The words that caught my attention were these,

"...therefore if ye call upon the Father...if it be in my name the Father will hear you."

It's something I've already learned, but it was like I was hearing it for the first time. When I pray, my Father really hears me. He is listening. I felt like I should write down what I had learned, or at least underline the words. But I didn't have anything to write with nearby, it was dark and Diego and Lucia were already asleep. Plus, I didn't want to get up and interrupt my 30 minutes. So I kept reading.

A few verses later came these words,

"Write the things which ye have seen and heard..."

Okay, okay. I'll look for a pencil in a second. I didn't want to interrupt my reading. Next verse,

"Write the works of this people..."

I get it. You want me to write this down. The next two verses,

"For behold, out of the books which have been written...shall this people be judged..."
"...therefore out of the books which have been written shall the world be judged."

Got it. Put down the book, go look for something to write with. I ended up spending the rest of my 30 minutes writing in my journal. I read the entire entry to my Young Women's class today.

At the end of my lesson, I started to bear my testimony to the girls about how being a mother has changed the way I understand my Heavenly Father's love. This is the blog post I started to write but never finished. But today when I explained it, it made perfect sense (at least to me).

I love my daughter more than words can express. If for some reason I were to die, or be separated from her now, she wouldn't really be able to remember me as she got older. Nevertheless, I would want so badly for her to know me. To really know me. What I look like, how I act, what I believe in. And if there were some way for her to communicate with me, I would want her to do it as often as she could. I would love more than anything to listen to her problems and her trials, and also to her joys and successes.



I know that our Heavenly Father feels exactly the same way. We are His children. He wants us to talk to Him. He wants us to remember Him, to know how He is, to know Him. He wants us to return to His presence because He loves us. I imagine that He misses us.

So here's the invitation. Hebrews 4:16

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."


Monday, December 9, 2013

A Mother's Christmas Lullaby

lyrics by Hannah Cabrera
music to hopefully follow :)

Last December white snow fell
The same way it does each year
Tinsel hung and carols sung
For all the world to hear

But something's changed this twenty-fifth
Marking it from each other
This year is different from the rest
Because I am a mother

CHORUS:
When I hold you it's easier to imagine Mary sweet
Holding her baby close to her heart
The Savior with his tiny feet
and his tiny hands and his tiny eyes
and his tiny little nose
Now it's easier to imagine
as I hold my baby close

I think the stable disappeared
as she looked into his eyes
And with a gentle mother's hand
She soothed his baby cries

Mary, is this how you felt
when you held your little boy?
That the world fit neatly in your arms
your soul consumed with endless joy?

CHORUS:
When I hold you it's easier to imagine Mary sweet
Holding her baby close to her heart
The Savior with his tiny feet
and his tiny hands and his tiny eyes
and his tiny little nose
Now it's easier to imagine
as I hold my baby close


Monday, October 7, 2013

Trying to find a babysitter is a little like selling my soul

My husband and I have really weird work schedules. I work from 4pm to 8pm. However, because I work in Salt Lake, I leave here around 3:20pm and get home around 8:30pm.

Diego is starting a new job today. His training ours will be 4pm to 12:30am and then his normal hours will be from 10am to 7pm.

And it is time, again, to find another babysitter.

Yes, I should have been looking all last week. But you know what? Finding a babysitter is not like going to Wal-Mart to find laundry detergent.


A babysitter is looking for someone to take care of your most precious and prized possession. A person to look after a human being. It's a big deal. And I wish I could pay a babysitter what they really deserve, which would be a whole lot more than minimum wage. But then, I might as well quit my job and stay home myself.

A babysitter can't just be any old somebody off the street. She has to be someone I know and trust with the life of my baby. This is getting harder and harder. Especially after this Saturday when I came home to find that my baby had refused to eat anything from anyone except me. Like a hunger strike. Like, "Hey mom, I don't want a babysitter, I want you to stay home." And she wasn't even with a sitter. She was with her grandma.

So every time I start looking for a sitter, I fall into this deep depression as well. All of this horrible guilt that is built up from leaving my baby for 5 hours a day resurfaces and I just want to climb in a hole and cry.

Then on top of that--everyone is busy. They have normal jobs. And I don't blame them. I have a normal (part-time) job. Otherwise we would never make it financially. And those who are willing to do it live a ba-jillion miles a way. Which isn't a very feasible option either.

Anyway, this is not supposed to be a profound post, merely a vent of my feelings and trying to describe the most gut-wrenching, awful feeling that comes every time I have to start looking for a babysitter again.

It sucks.

The end.


Saturday, September 14, 2013

Three Questions about Breastfeeding that Every Man and Woman Should Consider

It’s interesting how social media and the ever increasing allure of being constantly connected to others through the internet and public forums has exponentially intensified controversies that may have existed before, but on a much smaller scale. For example, last night I came home from work and said to my mom, “I have an idea for a new blog post. I’m going to write about the breastfeeding controversy.”


My mom’s reply was, “I didn’t even know there was a breastfeeding controversy.”


The truth is, as of maybe a year ago, I didn’t either. However, a couple of significant things have happened since then. The first and most important, I believe, is that I gave birth to my first child and subsequently joined the ranks of breastfeeding mothers. Another significant manifestation is the constantly growing conversation that has been brought to the public through blogs, media, and even Facebook posts.




I realized how big this controversy really is last night as a simple post on breastfeeding quickly escalated to a heated debate between Facebook friends. I started to do some more digging and formulated in my mind three important questions that I would like to address.


  1. In the course of American history, when did it become unacceptable for a woman to breastfeed in public?
  2. Why does seeing a woman breastfeed make people so uncomfortable?
  3. Is it really that important of a controversy? Can’t women just suck it up and stay at home? Or find some alternative to evade the discomfort of others?


Each question is a bit complex, and I do not claim to have the “true” answers. But here are some of my ideas (backed up by some research).


When did it become unacceptable for a woman to breastfeed in public?


This question is pretty tricky. From what I’ve read, observed, and researched, it seems like support of public breastfeeding has fluctuated throughout modern history. I have no supporting documentation, but I believe public tolerance for breastfeeding strongly correlates with the availability of breastfeeding alternatives. When a woman had no option but to breastfeed she could either stay in her house all day long (literally a stay-at-home mother), or go about her business and breastfeed when needed in the public sphere.


When the United States first gained independence at the end of the 18th century, and well into the beginning and middle of the 19th century, I have found that there was much more public support of breastfeeding.


In her book, Breastfeeding Rights in the United States, Karen Kedrowski comments,


“...maternal breastfeeding became almost an emblem of new democratic ideal, as images of ‘nature’ were linked with equality, the rejection of decadent, aristocratic ‘culture,’ and the rising health and wealth of the middle class of the young nation.”


Art where women are depicted breastfeeding in public was not uncommon during this time. However, things began to change as the 19th century came to a close.


According to the article A History of Infant Feeding,


“In 1865, chemist Justus von Liebig developed, patented, and marketed an infant food, first in a liquid form and then in a powdered form for better preservation...By 1883, there were 27 patented brands of infant food...As formulas evolved and research supported their efficacy, manufacturers began to advertise directly to physicians...By the 1940s and 1950s, physicians and consumers regarded the use of formula as a well known, popular, and safe substitute for breastmilk. Consequently, breastfeeding experienced a steady decline until the 1970s.”


I spoke with my grandmother last night in doing some personal research on breastfeeding trends. She is the oldest woman I currently have contact with (she’s not even that old, born in 1937). She was breastfeeding her first child in the early 1950s and subsequently breastfed six more children until the 1970s. When I asked her if she breastfed in public she replied that while she did, she always covered up. She also replied that breastfeeding was not really encouraged when she was a young mother, and that people relied more on formula and bottle-feeding.


There was a resurgence of breastfeeding popularity in the 1970s, but it seems that trend has since reversed in contemporary times. Public opinion on women breastfeeding in public seems to be tolerance at best, and that is only if women are overly discreet and covered.


It seems to me then, that the general acceptance and even celebration of public breastfeeding all but disappeared with the introduction of formula.


Why does breastfeeding make people so uncomfortable?


The arguments I have heard against a woman breastfeeding in public have varied, but normally have similar roots. Most people I have talked to have stated that it doesn’t matter what she is doing, a woman “exposes” herself when she breastfeeds. I read comments of people who have compared breastfeeding to publicly urinating or running around naked.


According to a study done by two Canadian geographers, P.K. Spurles and J. Babineau,


“The roots of these restrictive attitudes are different for men and women. Whereas women tended to express concern about disruptions to social relations, even with unknown others, men tended to express discomfort related to fears of being perceived as deviant [a pervert]. Statements about appropriate places for breastfeeding were expressed in a rhetoric of rights and legislation in only 1 instance; concerns for the infant’s and breastfeeding woman’s physical needs were addressed only when affirming breastfeeding in public or social contexts.”


In my personal investigation, I have yet to speak to one woman who opposes public breastfeeding, mother or not. (Although I’m sure it wouldn’t be too hard to find one.) Personally, before becoming a breastfeeding mother, seeing women breastfeed in public was strange, but not overly offensive or uncomfortable for me.
Yet nearly every man I have ever talked to is strongly opposed to public breastfeeding, unless a woman is adequately covered, in which case some leniency is expressed. Some theories I have heard about men being so uncomfortable with exposed breasts, even minimal exposure for breastfeeding, is the sexualization and objectification of women. Their objections, “appear to indicate a widespread discomfort with the biological function of an organ that has acquired sexual connotations in American culture” (Kedrowski).
According to Karen Kedrowski,
“The evidence clearly seems to suggest that the contemporary fascination with the breast as a sexual object reflects a culturally determined, rather than a biologically inherent, obsession. Within Western societies, Marilyn Yalom has traced what she sees as a shift from the sacred breast, celebrated in both prehistoric and Christian medieval cultures, to increasingly prevalent representations of an erotic breast beginning in the Renaissance, frankly depicted as the desired object of the male sexual gaze. The idea that the breast can mean different things, or, at the least, that different dimensions of its meaning can be accentuated, during different historical eras seems to reinforce this emphasis on the culturally determined, rather than the biologically based, meaning of the breast.”


While the sexualized nature associated with the breast may play some part in people's awkwardness to breastfeeding, I do not believe it is the principal explanation.


I talked briefly with several men last night, and all but one opposed breastfeeding in public. That one was my husband. My husband grew up and lived in Peru up until last year, when he came to the United States (to marry this awesome American girl, haha). In Peru, along with every other Latin American country I have lived in, breastfeeding in public, uncovered, is normal and widely accepted.
So I asked myself, “Do hispanic men generally not sexually objectify women as much? Do they respect women more?” My personal experience in these countries (I’ve lived in Mexico, Honduras, and Peru) would indicated otherwise. In fact, I have felt more sexually objectified from 10 minutes of walking down a street in Honduras than I have in my entire life.
So why this distinct difference between these cultures in tolerance for public breastfeeding? I concluded that is has to do with exposure and cultural conditioning. When I asked my husband if he knew if women generally covered up breastfeeding or if they breastfed a lot in public in Peru, he just shrugged.


“I don’t know,” he said, “It’s not like I really paid attention. It’s just something normal that women do.”


On the other hand, when living in other countries, public breastfeeding has always caught my attention. I think this is because of cultural conditioning. I never see women breastfeed in public in the United States. Growing up, I don’t even really remember seeing my mom breastfeed my own brothers and sister, though I’m sure she did and I was pretty young. The point is, the less we see it, the more of a novelty it becomes, and the more unacceptable. It is not a question of right and wrong at this point. Historically, even the most religious zealots found nothing wrong with a woman’s somewhat exposed breast in order to feed her child. Though possibly influenced by the sexualization of the breast and the sexual objectification of women, it is more a question of the cultural condition of both men and women in the United States.


Okay, last question. Kudos to you if you’re still reading up to this point.


Is it really that important of a controversy? Can’t women just suck it up and stay at home? Or find some alternative to evade the discomfort of others?


If there is one thing all professionals in the medical and scientific fields all agree on, it is the supremacy of breast milk to that of formula or other breast milk alternatives. According to the article, Breastfeeding: social, economic and medical considerations, “Even though awareness of the benefits of breastfeeding is widespread, the motivation to breastfeed is not.”
According to S. Matthew Stearmer in his Masters’ dissertation on women breastfeeding in public,


“As long as the woman is behaving like a man she is typically allowed any space she chooses. Mothers however potentially create private space out of any public sphere they occupy by nature of how they chose to use the space. If a mother chooses only to shop then public space remain simply public. But if her baby is in need of food there is a breach in the de facto nature of that space. The mother who chooses to breastfeed calls into question the use of the space and her action requires a response to the changing definition of the space. Breastfeeding then creates a quandary over public vs. private space. Unless women are to be excluded from the public sphere while they are breastfeeding, society must begin to recognize its place in public. Even without considering women in the workforce, women are always in the public sphere. They work, serve, shop, recreate, lobby, etc., all in public space. This work cannot halt just because a woman has had a baby and must now feed it. As a society we need all of a mother's contributions, during the whole of her life time and the whole of her life experience. However, her ability to fully engage in life is limited by society's acceptance of her breastfeeding in public.”


So, yes, it is important. And yes, your opinion does matter. I, personally, have no problem breastfeeding uncovered in front of others. But the opinion of others matters to me, and so out of respect I try not to do so. I’ve tried the whole cover thing. It is a LOT harder than it looks. And I refuse to lock myself in a gross stall of a public bathroom in order to feed my baby.
According to A Qualitative Study of Attitudes Toward Public Breastfeeding Among Young Canadian Men and Women,


“Lack of public support and approval is cited by breastfeeding women as factors that discourage breastfeeding, and familiarity through exposure to breastfeeding is associated with increased approval and intent to breastfeed one’s own children. As such, understanding the content, in addition to the magnitude and direction, of public attitudes about breastfeeding is significant.”


In talking to some male co-workers last night, I asked one, “Would your opinion about breastfeeding in public change if you knew that ‘all 50 states have passed legislation that either explicitly allows women to breastfeed in public, or exempts them from prosecution for public indecency or indecent exposure for doing so’?” His answer: No.
Then I asked, “Would it change if your wife was an emotional wreck after giving birth, struggling with breastfeeding in the first place, and then on top of everything the blanket she is trying to keep over your baby’s head keeps falling off her shoulder?” Again: No.
So listen, I am well aware that this blog may do nothing to change the opinions of people. But learning more about breastfeeding, its importance in the lives of infants, and the effect of public attitudes has changed my opinion, so I’m assuming it might help others. So spread the word! Knowledge is power!


References:
Boyer, Kate. “The way to break the taboo is to do the taboo thing” breastfeeding in public and citizen-activism in the UK. Health and Place, 2011, Vol.17(2), pp.430-437, 2011

Kedrowski, Karen M. Breastfeeding rights in the United States. Westport, Conn.: Praeger Publishers, 2008, xiii, 175 p.; 25 cm.

Spurles, PK; Babineau, J. A Qualitative Study of Attitudes Toward Public Breastfeeding Among Young Canadian Men and Women. Journal Of Human Lactation, 2011, Vol.27(2), pp.131-137, 2011

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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

A Daughter of Levi

Today I have been thinking a lot about the mother of Moses. There isn't too much information about her in the scriptures. We know that her name was Jochebed, the wife of Amram, and that she had two other children. But in Exodus chapter two it simply says:

"And there went a man of the house of Levi, and took to wife a daughter of Levi. And the woman conceived,  and bare a son: and when she saw him that he was a goodly child, she hid him three months."

When I read "three months" my heart skipped a beat. Maybe because I am currently the mother of a three month old. It goes on and says,

"And when she could no longer hide him, she took for him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime and with pitch, and put the child therein; and she laid it in the flags by the river’s brink."





Wow. I just put my sleeping Lucia down in her swing for a nap and I felt a pang of sadness just because she was momentarily not in my arms. And yet this mother, this daughter of Levi, knew that the only way she could save her son was to trust the hand of the Lord and give him up. She humbly laid him in a basket and sent him down the river, knowing that God would protect him.

Yesterday I had my interview for a full-time job that would essentially have me give my baby up for a good part of each day. Just thinking about it makes me heart break a little. And yet, when I think of this unnamed Levite woman, I am given a strength I hadn't felt before. Perhaps this is the Lord's way of testing my trust and faith in Him. He will take care of my daughter while I am away and I will be able to provide for her in a way that I couldn't if I were at home.


It will still be hard. I can imagine that even though the mother of Moses was able to be his nursemaid, it was still hard to concede "mothership" to the daughter of Pharaoh I want every working mother to remember this exemplary woman and the sacrifice she made for her son. We can be strengthened in the Lord in ways we hadn't thought of before.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Why I love being pregnant

Okay, this might be a little difficult to put into words. But I've been thinking about it so much lately, I have to try to communicate these ideas somehow, and words seem to be the best choice. Maybe if I was more talented, I would write a song. Or paint a picture. But I think it's probably best if I just stick to words.

I love being pregnant. For the last 6 months, I have been on a crazy emotional (and physical!!) rollercoaster. To begin with, I was excited, but terrified. Then as sickness set in, I felt like all I wanted to do was die. Depression also reared its head, and I felt absolutely and utterly unprepared for the task that lie ahead.

But then...I started to change my thinking. A lot of it had to do with a class I took called, "How to Birth Like A Rockstar," which, apart from being super helpful for birth, should in my opinion also be called, "How to Be Pregnant Like a Rockstar." I started to do a lot more research on my own about pregnancy, birth, and newborns.

Yes, pregnancy comes with a lot of inconvenient physical problems. For some women, MUCH MUCH more than for others. I think I have been pretty fortunate as far as being sick and in pain during my pregnancy. But, still. I get nose bleeds. And charley horses at 2 in the morning that keep me up the rest of the night. I have gone from having absolutely no appetite, to wanting to eat anything that I can lay my hands on! I've gained more weight than I ever have in my life, and sometimes I have to just ignore the numbers on the scale.

But I am loving every minute of it. This is why: I love my daughter. I am in complete awe every second that she is inside of me. No matter how much you love someone, you can not hug them deep enough that they are completely inside of you. Only mothers get to know what that feels like. I love feeling her little feet kicking me. I adore seeing my stomach move up and down with her sporadic movements. The human body is incredible! There is a little human being forming inside of me. She has half her traits from me, and half from Diego, and yet, she will be a completely unique individual.

I am so excited to meet her, but at the same time, I am in no rush for her to leave my belly. I feel so connected to her, not just physically, but emotionally as well. I will cherish the next three months as some of the most special in my life, because it is the very closest (physically) that I will ever get to be to my Lucia.