Sometimes people jokingly (or not so jokingly) criticize me because my baby is very attached to me. I've been told that I need to spend some time away from her to let her get used to other people. Or that I need to wean her now because she's almost a year old and she depends too much on me.
Well, I've been a mom for a little less than a year. And I can't say that I have a degree in child development or psychology or anything like that. But I've been entrusted with a job to do, and I don't want anyone else to do it for me. And while I will listen to any and all advice I get, it doesn't mean that is how I will do things. Because I'm her mom, and no one else is.
I had a lot of people tell me not to co-sleep. But it felt right to me. People told me she would never leave my bed, she would have sleeping problems, we'd kill her in our sleep. But we didn't. And she didn't. She sleeps through the night now on her own, in her own room in a crib. But only since February, when she was 8 months old. We still co-sleep at naptime and occasionally during the night, too. I love to cuddle with her and see her smile in her sleep. During the first weeks and months, it also helped me to feel her heartbeat and hear her breathing so I'd be reassured something terrible hadn't happened in another room that I couldn't hear.
I've read disparaging things about breastfeeding, and as she's gotten older, more and more people are asking me when she will stop. The more I've researched, and more importantly, after paying attention to the small nuances of our personal relationship, I don't think we'll stop for a while. It is our time to bond, our special time. It helps me to reassure her when she is in new places. It helps her to sleep at night. She may depend on me more, but that's what I'm here for, right? I purposely had this baby, and have intended from the very beginning to be her mother. I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. I have been very blessed with the opportunity to stay home and take care of her. It may not always be like that. But while it is, I will take advantage of every minute.
Being a mom has completely changed my life. I knew it would. I didn't realize, however, that by becoming a mother I would be entering a war zone. A war zone where everyone seems to know what is right and wrong for you and your child. I had no idea there were so many parenting controversies. Breastfeeding. Bottle-feeding. Naptimes, playtimes, bedtimes. How to eat. How to speak. How to sleep. Walking with shoes or without them. Eating sugar or not. What TV shows to watch or none at all?
Holy cow.
Believe me, if there is one thing I have come to appreciate being a mom in the last year, it is that is HARD WORK. It's a tough job, and it completely consumes you. So I don't know how so many moms have so much time to tell other moms how to be moms. Seriously. I'm more worried about how to do my own job, let alone worrying about how my neighbor or my sister or my cousin is doing hers.
This doesn't mean we can't learn from each other. We are here to help each other out. But we can do two really important things as moms.
1. Don't take offense if someone tells you how to do your job. Just smile, thank them for the advice, and then take it, or don't. Ultimately, it's your choice.
2. If you do give advice, keep the first important thing in mind. They may take your advice, or not. Ultimately, it's their choice.
I applaud every mother who keeps their kids alive day after day. We are all trying our best, and some days are harder than others.
Every smile, every coo, every "I love you" (even though my baby hasn't quite mastered that one yet!) All these things make all the sleepless nights and bites on your boobs and random tantrums that come out of no where...worth it.
To all you moms out there this Mother's Day, I admire and respect each of you. It has been my greatest honor to finally join your ranks.
Happy Mother's Day!
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