Frantically Engaged

This post may seem a bit choppy when first read. That’s because I have so much to say, and wish to do so as concisely as possible. So despite learning in college English that the key to a good essay are good transitions, I’m going to skip the formalities and write like the true extemporaneous person that I am.

When I was 19 years old I was ready to go on a mission. I had been anxiously waiting since I was 13, and I felt like I was so ready. My calling at the time in my BYU student ward was Sunday School teacher. Sometimes it was a little intimidating because the majority of the people in my class were returned missionaries and a bit older than me. But I absolutely loved teaching and dedicated a lot of time to preparing my classes. Looking back, I think it is one of my favorite callings I’ve ever had.

I remember very distinctly one class that I taught, about Alma 29. Alma starts off the chapter by passionately declaring,

“O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth.”

When I read those words, I remember thinking, “Heck yes! Alma is my main man! He understands completely how I feel. Seriously, I just want to get out there and “declare unto every soul...repentance and the plan of redemption.”

But then I read the next verse.

“But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.”1

When I taught my class, I remember saying to them, “But behold, I am a woman of 19 years, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content…”

Two years passed, and I served a mission when I was 21. The decision at that time completely and radically changed the direction of my life. I think I was placed in many situations and places where I met specific people who I was able to teach. I also happened to meet my future eternal companion while on my mission.

About a year and a half after I returned home from my mission, President Thomas S. Monson made a historic announcement.

“Today I am pleased to announce that able, worthy young women who have the desire to serve may be recommended for missionary service beginning at age 19, instead of age 21.”2

My first thought was seriously, “WHAT? President Monson, you are about 5 years late with that announcement!” Seriously. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around it at first. I never saw that coming. But I thought, since it came, why couldn’t it have come 5 years earlier, when I was READY to go? In the two years I waited to go on my mission, I did not become inactive, and my faith never wavered, but I, like many, had many spiritual up and downs, and I felt like I never really got back to where I was when I was 19 and by my own determination, “ready.”

It’s been nearly a whole year since that prophetic announcement, and sometimes I still wonder how my life would be different if I had been allowed to serve at 19.

On August 30, I wrote a public letter to the sisters of the movement, “Ordain Women.” I had done some surface research on the matter, but had not gone into depth to get to know these sisters. A week later I felt impressed to write another post of sincere questions that had gone through my mind since learning about this group and their aims. I’d like to thank all of the wonderful women who commented and responded to my questions.

At the end of one of the comments, a sister wrote this, “We are to ask for further light and knowledge, and be anxiously engaged in a good cause.” I have always loved that phrase--”anxiously engaged in a good cause.”

For the last two weeks I have taken up the habit of listening to BYU devotional addresses while driving to work. My commute is about a half hour each way, so I usually get to listen to about 2 or 3 talks a day. Yesterday I was listening to a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell called, Sharing Insights from My Life. I was thoroughly enjoying his talk, when he said something that greatly impressed me. He said this:

“Thus I return again to the words anxiously engaged. They do not mean hectically engaged. They do not mean frantically engaged. Rather, they reflect a deep, quiet commitment—some anticipation of what lies ahead. We must be willing to let our gears of commitment be hammered and shaped so that they mesh with life's opportunities in ways that are crucial. We are so blessed with a rich theology, so blessed with the Church that is full of ordinances and doctrines and all of those things that make it so engaging and so easy to be anxiously engaged.”3

His words rang absolutely true with me, and suddenly, a lot of things in my life made more sense. I had previously been “frantically engaged” in a good cause. I wanted to do things that were not allotted to me at the time. It wasn’t so much that I was just righteously desiring the opportunity to build up the Lord’s kingdom, but that I was not honing my quiet commitment to my life’s present opportunities. Of course, I could have “some anticipation of what [lay] ahead.” I would serve a mission, but I would do it in the Lord’s time, not my own. There was nothing wrong with wanting to serve a mission. But there was when I abandoned my quiet commitment to give way to rowdy bemoaning.

I again want to express how much I have appreciated the comments from both supporters of OW, members of OW, people who do not agree with OW, and all of those who fall in between. There has been so much respect and love, something you don’t see much of on a thread of comments on the internet.

I do not pretend to know what is correct for each and every sister in the world. I think that is something I’ll leave to God. Like Nephi, I do not know all things, but I do know that God loves His children.4 I know that He provides very personal instructions to each and every one of His sons and daughters. But I also know that He has restored His church in these latter-days so “that we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine.”5 I stand by what I first stated, that if and when the Lord decides to bestow the great blessings of holding the priesthood on the women of the Church, He will do so by and through His anointed prophet.

Until then, let us anxiously, rather than frantically, engage in a good cause. With quiet commitment. Let us build each other up with love and understanding. Each woman will know how to do that, and the more I have heard the testimonies of the sisters of Ordain Women, the more I know they are seeking to do what is right. I may not agree with them on many things, but they have brought up very valid points that deserve consideration and prayer.

God bless the wonderful sisters, members and non-member, working and stay at home, married and single. I know He loves His daughters.

References:

1. Alma 29:1-3

2. “Welcome to Conference.” (Thomas S. Monson, October 2012, http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/welcome-to-conference?lang=eng)

3. “Sharing Insights from My Life.” (Elder Neal A. Maxwell,  January 1999, http://speeches.byu.edu/index.php?act=viewitem&id=805)

4. 1 Nephi 11:17

5. Ephesians 4:14